The Rude Familiar
by REDthunderBOAR
Summary: Kazuma gets summoned by Louise the Zero. Shenanigans, yelling, and saving the world shall follow in their wake. I'm going to admit this is a test run on writing humor, so C&C is very much appreciated. Updates are to be infrequent.
1. Ch 1: The Summoning

I was stuck in a large amount of smoke as I fell onto the damn ground. I was just enjoying a normal day in the mansion when suddenly a green portal appeared. Before I could study it I was sucked in like alcohol in Aqua's liver. Things felt green for a moment before I somehow ended up here choking on a large amount of smoke.

Anyway, why is there a large amount of smoke? That Green Door seemed a lot more user friendly, expect for the fact that it sucked me in from the comfy couch. Is this smoke going to go away anytime soon?

*Woosh*

Oh that's much better. What I saw immediately was a castle of sorts, not nearly as big as the Royal Castle where Iris lived but it seemed to be just as fancy. As I looked down I saw I was surrounded by a bunch of teenagers wearing matching uniforms, some animals hanging out, and an old man with a long beard and wizard cap. Did I land in a wizarding school or something!?

_Wait a second… I've read something like this before. Isn't this one of the ways you end up in a fantasy world…._

In response to these realizations I screamed.

"AAAAHHHHHHAAAAAHHHH!"

I got on my knees and went to the sky, "Aqua please bring me back, I'm sorry I dumped your wine last night! Eris please send an Angel to get me I've been kidnapped from your world! Vanir, you knew this would happen, send some Devils to get me!"

I invoked the names of all the God's and Devil's I personally knew, which as expected none of them seemed to have heard me. Now that I was surely stuck here I decided to start looking around at all the wizarding students. They were looking upon me with either faces of disgust or ones that said, 'What is this thing!'

I pointed my finger at the crowd, "You bastards! Stop looking at me like I'm a damn NEET! I have killed Demon Generals, so I demand respect!"

The started to speak to each other win poorly disguised whispers. They were all speaking some language that I could not understand but it was easy to tell they were mocking me.

_Bastards!_

After a few moments the old man stood forward with a scowing Pinkett standing next to him, "Tout le monde si vous pouvez vous calmer s'il vous plaît. Louise a convoqué un humain, mais il lui est toujours familier."

The girl next to him looked at me with a scow, "Est-ce que je ne pourrais pas en appeler un autre? Je ne peux pas croire que ce garçon est mon familier. "

I feel like I was just looked down upon. Oi, you know what happens to those who look down on me. I've got an entire contact list filled with them!

We tried to kill each other with glares as the old man sighed, "Vous devez terminer le contrat, Mlle Louise. Allez-y et approchez-vous de lui, je serai en attente si quelque chose devait arriver.

With his words the girl started to advance towards me, her death glare becoming more and more adamant as she approached. I didn't want to be shown up, so I gave her a death glare back ten fold. By the time she was within an arms reached I realized just how small she was.

The girl had pink blonde hair and had the same height as Megumin. I would call her young, but its obvious she just a midget as her classmates who were all at least my height.

We stared at each other in pure spite, "Oi Midget, what you want."

The kids around us seemed to be cheering like we were about to have a fight, but the girl chanted something, "Je suis Louise François le Balnc de Vallière, mon cher et éternel serviteur. Je complète par la présente notre contrat. " And then she kissed me.

Eh? I've was finally being kissed by a girl. After all the teasing Megumi and the lustful trips Darkness has put me through it has happened. I remember the last time I was kissed by Darkness, but now my desire of affection is to be seated by a stranger. Hmm, it tastes like strawberry. WAIT!

I broke away from the girl in an instant, "HEY! YOUR NOT GOING TO FU-" And then I experienced pain.

I have been killed a number of times in my short life, and with that you would expect that most pain would be less than literally dying. You would be wrong and right as Wiz's Drain Life was the most painful but being digested by a Hydra was a close second. Placing this it would be number three on the list of most painful things I've ever experienced. Which means it f***ing hurts.

"F***ING KAMI-SAN!"

I watched as a red mark appeared on my hand, it looked like some Command Seal from F*te but I didn't see any Saber Faces anywhere. The pain went away just as fast as it came, though that took the majority of the fight out of me.

The Kissing Midget was looking at me with that damn glare again, but I didn't pay her a lick of attention. Instead everyone around us were laughing like fourth graders who broke wind. Some acting like kissing blowfish, mainly a blond boy with a similar blond on his arm Others were obviously made jokes, mainly a tan Onee-sama with a rack only Darkness would rival. I made sure to remember each one of their faces because I will have my revenge.

The old man said something in their gibberish before everyone dispersed from the area. The petite girl shot me a look that said 'Follow me you dumbass.' And while I was hurt by that, she seemed to be the only person that cared two cents about my existence. I guess I've been in worse situations such as being stuck with Aqua.

So I followed her through the Halls of the building, the crowds becoming thinner along the way. The walls were decorated with flags and the floors with fine carpets. I could even see servants walking about cleaning vases. This place must be loaded with cash because damn this place was fucking shining!

We made our way into a more narrow hallway before going through a wooden door. It was when we made it to a pretty large sized room that I realized where we were. She led me into her room of all places.

Before I could complain however she turned on her heels and stared into my face with a look that said, 'You will bend to me.' I am however Satou Kazuma, slayer of Demon Generals, babysitter of the Princess, and advocate for gender equality. I doubled down her stare with my own.

Our showdown lasted for what seemed like an hour. Neither of us moved an inch and the sun outside had already sunken into the horizon. I will win against this girl, for I have made a Goddess cry for forgiveness and slayed a Devil who then then turned into a shopkeeper.

It was after what seemed like ages that I saw a crack in her resolve. Her face was steadily growing red and her head seemed to be growing veins. I broke a smile in triumph, and then the girl herself broke.

She quickly brandished a black stick at me like it was a-

SHIT!

An explosion rained out within the room and blew us to opposite sides of the room. The damn Midget seemed to have forgotten that explosion magic was not to be used indoors! What now, I got another Explosion freak on hand.

"Oi, you midget! Stop casting Explosion Magic in the F****** room!"

"It was supposed to be a Fireball you Plebeian!"

"Don't lie to me Megumin Junior! Explosion Magic is way too advance to cast by...!"

We stared at each other with ashes settling in the room. We looked at each other for a moment as we realized we could now understand one another. Huh, isn't there a chance I would have poofed from that?

The girl dusted herself off and ruffled her hair a little to clear away the remains of her bed from it, "Look what you made me do Familiar! Now I need to get a new bed."

A vein popped on my head, "My fault! Your the one who casted a mini Explosion spell! Wait- you said you were trying to cast Fireball at me! You tried to kill me!"

She flicked her chin into the air trying her best to look proper, "I was going to simply punish you for trying to bringing me down to your level! How am I supposed to teach you manners without conditional reinforcement."

"You were going to treat me like a dog! You didn't even try to to communicate anything at the damn field, you just walked up to me and kissed me!"

I grew a small grin as the pinkett went strawberry red, "I-It was to complete the contract! It was only to fulfil the ritual, like I would kiss a Plebian." She flicked her head away like a tsundere.

"And you were the one who kidnapped me from my home! You've committed human trafficking by bringing me here!"

Her face went even more red, "I did not mean to do such a thing! I was trying to summon a Dragon or a Griffin and I got stuck with you!"

I just gave her a stink eye, "Well you messed it up, ya Midget. I don't know how you did it or how I'm going to fix it either!"

The girl looked like she was about to explode, but something kept her words back. A shadow formed over her face as she grabbed onto a piece of the now ruin bed and started to make many baby piece by smashing the rubble.

I could hear her muttering as she released holy retribution on the frame, "sugaring familiar, sugaring school, sugaring magic, minting Kirche, sugar cookie CAKE EVERYONE!"

I was thinking about what to say but the Midget just waddled to the scorched chair next to her desk. She seemed exhausted to hell but I wasn't going to let her go.

I poked at her arm, "Oi, don't go shutting yourself off, I still need to know where the hell I am."

The girl lifted her head just to give me a deathglare, "Leave me be. Even you, my familiar sugaring calls me a failure. Leave me be you bastard."

A little vein grew on my forehead, "Failure?! Are you a Masochistic Knight, Useless Goddess, or an Explosion Maniac!?"

I could easily tell the girl was out of steam she she just waved, "Might as well be an Explosion Maniac. All my spells end up as sugaring explosions!" She sat up from her chair obviously toiling around in the air while making a mocking voice, "Oh look its Louise the Zero, master of being a sugaring bomb!" She slumped onto the desk with a resounding thud, "Bite me."

I looked at her for a moment, the fiery person I was just arguing with gone. In place was a useless Midget. It was at this moment I realised something, I'm stuck here with her. If I was a little honest though, I don't like people who'd just mope around. It reminded me too much of myself. There can only be one lazy rich ass adventurer around here!

With that I gave a sigh, "Fine, lets start this all over again." I pointed at myself lazily, "I'm Satou Kazuma, skilled adventurer from another world. Yours?"

She looked up at me with a look that said, 'What the fuck you doin.' Though she gave a sigh too, "Fine, I am Louise Leblanc De Valliere. So Satou, why in the sugar did you say another world?"

I gave her a stink eye, "Refer to me as Kazuma thank you! Anyways, your spell yanked me from my oh so comfortable couch and brought me here like a damn troup. Since you said something about a contract, I'm going to assume I am stuck here until I die."

"Correction." She raised her hand lazily, "Its until I die. Your my familiar so I can summon you back even if you die."

"Well there goes that worry," I said rubbing my forehead before looking at the girl like she was crazy, "And why is summoning a human a bad thing then? Sounds like you've got a sweet deal."

She looked at me with a look that once again questioned my my sanity, but at this point this girl was being stupid, "Why would you want some dragon that can't even fit in buildings or a griffin that'll shit everywhere. Isn't an immortal human a good deal?" I shot her a glance asking her the same thing.

She just gave a puff of air in response, "A Plebian wouldn't understand. A Familiar measures a Mage's potential. Dragons are seen as the strongest while summoning a fly is a mockery. I've just summoned the worst of them all, a Commoner."

I got a little irritated again, "You need a fucking therapist to check on that underdeveloped head of yours. You said the best was a Dragon? I've helped slain a Dragon and I've also killed most of the Demon Lord's Generals." I bashed at my chest, "I'm a legend in the making, and you just yanked me that people would beg to join."

In response the girl stared with content, "Your a lying Commoner too. I couldn't have summoned someone that good. Like you said, I'm Louise the Zero, failure of Mages." And with that she popped her head on the desk.

I just crossed my arms and walked towards the windows, "Fine, I'll let you mope. I'm heading out, just leave the window open." And with that cool phrase I leaped out the window.

Out of a third story window. Shit.

I was lucky though as there were some bushes I fell into that broke my fall. I looked up to see the Midget lazily stick her head out to search for me, but I activated 'Hide' before she could even catch sight of me. That will show you ya damn depressed tsundere Midget!

Well, here I am. I've ended up in another world by a Midget and back in school on top of that. F****** Kami-San. I mean, the evidence is pretty clear. Nothing has yet to come attack me while we were in those fields, everyone at one point spoke a different language while Aqua jammed all the other world's languages into my head, and lastly that there were two moons. So that all confirms I've been isekied into a different world, again.

Well now that I think about it, this could be some kind of vacation for myself. Chances are Megumin and YunYun will get the Demon Clan to work on getting me back. I don't have Aqua here so I won't be dragged into anything that involves loan sharks. Most of all though I wrote in my will so that if I died for good, all my money was to go into advertising that Aqua was a useless and her cult is insane.

So I've finally got a vacation that wasn't my own doing! THANK YOU KAMI-SAN!

I leaped from the bushes and looked around. If this is a school I would say it was more of a fortress than anything else. I mean, these walls look sturdy enough to survive an Explosion. That did mean though there might be a lot of stuff inside.

So I wandered around a little through this bit of grass. In the end I ended up in a courtyard. Looking about, I came across a small garden and some voices with one that seemed remotely recognizable.

The first voice was of a younger boy, "Why Alice, your eyes sparkle like the stars in the sky tonight. I could just look into them forever."

There was a low chuckle of a girl, "Why Guiche, your so dreamy."

I peaked out of my shadows to see who it is, and color me surprise when I noticed it was the blonde making fun of me earlier. With him though wasn't the blond with a massive forehead but a petite brunette. Two timing I see? Well I'll haft to keep this in mind.

I snuck back into the shadows and made my way across the campus. The place again seemed pretty nice for a simple school, I mean the stones making the wall are marble white! Not even Aqua could build a wall that nice.

So I wandered through the place a little more and snuck my way out the walls. I wasn't planning on running away, yet, since if I can make some agreement with the girl who brought me here. Yeah, she was a bitch but I've had worse fights with Aqua. I just needed to show her I was better than a Dragon. It's like she can't get it through her head that an adventurer is much better.

I had to let out a sigh, I also know when it comes to trouble I always seem to attract it. Something's going to happen sooner or later and I'd prefer if I stayed with someone who's obviously a noble than be hunted to the edges of the earth while some Minotaur comes to declare war on just me.

So I walked a little bit more, the amount of guards pretty minimal for a place filled with obvious rich folk. I mean, these Louise called herself a mage and can likely cut down a couple toads or two on their own but do you really expect them to police themselves? I've already met a Noble Snobs who couldn't keep his hands away from each other. Damn, I'm sounding like some rich old bastard complaining about 'schools these days'.

As I made my way around a corner I caught sight of a maid. I mean, I've seen a few going around the campus but I didn't expect to find one all the way out here. Hmm, maybe I should talk to her. I mean, this is a new fantasy world so maybe people will take kindly to a recently interdimensionally trafficked human.

I made my way over, the girl little more feminine frame coming into view. I had to admit though, it was lacking when compared to someone like Darkness. Hmm, maybe I should start comparing them to Darkness since it's pretty unfair to the girls of this world.

I finished making my way over to the Servant and tapped on her shoulder. My response was a, "KYAAA!" As the maid threw away a pair of panties she was washing while grabbing onto her chest.

I deadpanned at the girl, "Oi, I'm not here to molest you."

She looked at me for another moment before she sighed, "I'm, uh, sorry sir. I didn't hear you come."

"That's okay." Yeah I forgot to turn off Hide, "Do you work here?"

She nodded her head, "Yes, I'm one of the maids. My name is Siesta." And she bowed towards me.

I tried my best at a lady killer smile, "Kazuma, Satou Kazuma."

She tilted her head a little, "That's… an unusual name. Are you the Servant Miss Valliere summoned?"

To think I would be reduced to something as simple as, "Yes I am, it's nice to meet you Siesta."

She grew a nice smile, "Thank you, it's nice to meet you too."

Now that introductions were out of the way I got a good look at her. The girl had a nice feminine frame that the maid outfit seemed to exemplify. Followed to her hace, she had black hair and… black eyes…

"Hey," I looked at her with a deadpan expression, "Are you by chance part Japanese?"

Her eyes widened in surprise, "H-how do you know!? Grandpa told me he was the only one here!"

I scratched my head a little, "I'm, uh, Japanese myself. You wouldn't by chance have some secret sword that could slay dragon with ease on you?"

She placed her hand above her mouth, "W-why would I have something like that! I'm just a commoner, not a Noble!"

I just chuckled, "I was just wondering. You never know when it comes to the Japanese." Please just brush it off.

The girl chuckled a little herself, "Yes, Grandpa was an eccentric man."

After a few more moments, I grew a little idea, "Say, would you know anything about a student named Guiche? Like his love life maybe?"

The girl seemed to be suddenly caught of guard from my little desire for slander. Her eyes then became smug, "Is Mr. Kazuma looking for gossip?"

I grew an evil smile, "I take it he's had more than two at a time?"

"Definitely, the Servants love to talk about it."

[Louise: Louise's Room]

I collapsed on my desk when I couldn't find him outside the window. My Familiar left me to do who knows what. My Schoolmates laugh at me at every opportunity. I am the Louise the Zero, not even able to control her Brimir given Familiar.

I moved my hand up to wipe away the water in my eyes. Tears of all things. If Mother saw me now I would be disgraced and disinherited from the family.

I looked over to my bed, the splinters of the frame scattered everywhere. I've never asked to become a piece of living artillery. All I wanted was to become a proper mage like Elinore, Catt, Father, and Mother. Now I'm stuck without a bed to sleep on!

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHH!" I kicked at the remainder of the bed frame. I watched as the piece of wood was sent flying across the room to make a dent in the door. Another fucking failure! And now my sugaring toe hurts! Why does this world hate me!

I once again looked over the bed. Since my Familiar isn't going to get a replacement, I guess I should take care of it. Unlike him, I'm going to sleep on a proper bed!

I made my way outside my door, the torches the only thing providing light. It looked like no one was out tonight, so I made my way towards the Servant's Quarters. If I could just go to sleep maybe I can forget about this damn day!

Of course the night could get worse as I watched a certain door open with a first year walking out, a stupid look on his face. My blood was raising to a sugaring boil as I watched Kirche peak her head from the doorway.

The cow's face lit up as she peaked saw me, "Oh, does a Valliere need my services tonight?" the girl liked her dirty tounge.

I simply looked at her with a death glare, "Not tonight Kirche. You go back into your little sty like the animal you are."

The Succubus simply grew a much wider smile, "My my, you are fisty tonight Valliere. You have a fight with your commoner or did he run away?"

This damn bitch! Wait till I show her what I can sugaring do! I'll have her begging for my forgiveness before-

The jug of milk tried to smile her ever widening smile with her hands, "Oh my, he actually left you. Maybe I should go and pick him up, make him my own~."

I just walked away. If I stayed with her any longer I would have killed her with a damn wand down her throat! I could feel her smugness even as I went down the hall, I was running from a battle like a coward. Another failure to add to my list of failures.

Nothing eventful happened as I found the Servant's Quarters. All I needed was a bed then I could forget about this damn day.

[Kazuma: Local Stream]

"Kukuku, this will be useful"

The girl gave me a scared look, "I did not tell you any of this Mr. Kazuma. We Servants tend to stray away from Students since they can punishment us."

I thought for a moment, "Do they have anything that can instantly tell if I'm lying, like a bell?"

The girl shook her head, "No, I have not ever heard of such a magic item used before."

I grew a devilish smile, "Then your involvement won't be found out." I thought to myself for a moment, "Say, you wouldn't by chance know where I could get a spare bed?"

The girl tilted her head, "What are you saying? Did Miss Valliere destroy her bed in a fit?"

I gave a shrug, "Yeah, I need to get her a new bed. If these Nobles make you Servants quake in your boots I should get on mine's good side."

The Maid scratched her cheek, "Yeah… I'm sorry you had to be stuck with Miss Valliere. It must be tough dealing with the other students."

I tilted my head a little, "So what, everyone hate her or something?"

Siesta nodded her head, "The students like to use her as their plaything. We Servants don't really have much of a problem with her, but we don't like to interact with the Nobles past our daily duties and available gossip."

The Maid seemed to feel a little sad for the girl, "Everytime she casts a spell it results in an explosion. The only reason she is still in the Academy is because her family is the strongest in Tristain."

I had to laugh just then. She could only cast explosion! What the hell, I get stuck with a Megumin from another world! Maybe Kami has forsaken me after all. Seems its too late to get the Midget to change her mind about magic though. Fucking hell.

Siesta got up from her washing and placed the clothing in her basket, "Well Mr. Kazuma, I'm done here. We can see about getting a spare bed for your room. I don't think the Servants would mind letting you sleep in their quarters tonight."

"Thanks then," I said honestly, "Let's get going, I want to sleep as much as I can here tomorrow."

And with that we headed out to get a bed, only to find out Louise already got a bed. Huh, I guess I don't need to sleep in the Servants Quarters now.


	2. Ch 2: Accidental Kidnapping

**I was worried this would end up being longer than Ch. 1, so I threw in a bit of fun. It ended up being _LONGER_. For updates, they will be very uncommon. I'm honestly just writing this because I'm taking a rest from writing Quests on 4chan. I am looking for a Beta to throw in a little wit and clean up the text. **

"Agh" I started to stir in my bed as the sun light blasted my face with light._ 'For Brimir's sake couldn't someone just turn you off!'_

As I woke up the memories of yesterday started to come into my mind. I was able to summon my familiar, a deranged boy that argued with me for the rest of the day instead being quite, good Familiar. Too many lives were lost yesterday from his hardheadedness (my poor bed) and he made me lose my temper like I was just some child. I even cried myself to sleep because of his actions!

None of that explained why there was a second bed in my room. The figure in the bed rolled over in his sleep as I stared at him and grumbled about a Megumi. It dawned on me that moment that the person in it was none other than my thankless familiar.

"Familiar," I said in a voice filled with malice, "wake up."

I watch him stir a little, "Five more minutes Darkness…" came out of his mouth.

With the second bed in the room it really made what was a decent size room moderately cramp. With only a foot of clearance between our beds, I took a small leap and ended up above the fool. When I looked down at my Familiar, said person having a goofy smile on his face.

I kicked his head in, "Get up you useless familiar!"

"Fucking hell!" My kick didn't send him flying off the bed like I wanted but he did get up quickly to face me, "What do you want you Midget!"

Oh yeah. That damn nickname he game me yesterday. "Address me by 'Louise' you Plebeian. You have no right to call a noble a sugaring Midget."

A large smug smile formed on his face, "Nah, Midget sounds better. If you stop calling me Plebeian though I might consider it." Oh his voice is really made my flour.

Somehow we ended up having a glaring contest for the early morning. We could of killed armies that got between us with our sight alone. I was held together by Mother's 'Rule of Steel' while my familiar seemed to be spite incarnate. Ugh, why did this guy have to eggingly be so willful.

I whipped my head away from him, "I'd rather be called Midget than bow my head to you."

I could still feel the smugness of his face, "Alright then Midget, I get we're at a school so isn't there supposed to be classes or something?"

"Second Year Students have been given the day off." I said turning to his punchable face, "Today's the day second years take time and get to know their familiars."

"Lucky us then." He said without much care, "Once we eat something we should actually try that."

I grew a smile, "Oh, are you finally going to follow my orders as my Familiar?"

"Nope." He said flatly, "From what I guess, we're stuck together. If I've learned anything from my adventuring party is that no matter how much I hate the person we should at least try to get along."

"Fine." I said as I manhandled him towards the door, "Then get the sugar out of here so I can get dressed."

I kicked the smug ass bastard right through the door. Normally I would have the a servant like him dress me, but my womanly senses told me that even having him in the room was the absolute worse idea.

As I turned to open my closet I notice there's was a bed in the way. If I was not mistaken, it was the bed my Familiar somehow brought in here. I knew of a simple solution to clear up his mistakes.

***KABOOM!***

With a flourish of my wand I casted fireball on the misplaced bed, shrapnel flying everywhere so that I can have a path to my closet.

I could already hear the rumors going around that I, Louise Françoise le Blanc de La Vallière, found a use for her explosions. Ugh, I could already hear them saying how I'm better used as a cannon than a proper mage.

While there was a little chatter outside I started to put my clothing. I first placed my ash stained nightgown into a small hamper for the servants, sans not my Familiar, to wash soon. Trying my best to avoid the remains of my Familiar's bed, I went over to my dresser and retrieved a pair of undergarments. Putting them on held no issue, but the sounds coming from outside my door were like banshees that I could not ignore it.

With a sugaring hatred I opened my door in a thunderous roar. What I saw was the Milk, Kirche, as she was looking down on my Familiar with a scowl. Though when she noticed me the Milk grew a small smirk, "Oh my~, did you have fun last night Louise?"

I couldn't get my words out before she grabbed onto my Familiar's arm in a seductive manner, "Come on little boy, maybe you should spend your morning learning with me instead. I know I'm much better than the flat Valliere~"

I watched as my Familiar's face was morphed between bliss, confusion, and anger. I was turning into a dragon in my rage, "You B-!"

"[Create Earth]" My Familiar suddenly said, a white light coming out of his hands before he brandished it towards Kirche, "[Create Wind]!"

My mouth was agape as dirt flew from out of my Servant's hand and into Kirche's face. Oh the look of surprise alone was enough to make my day. In the confusion my familiar broke free of her grasp running to grab me and bringing the two of us into my room. Before we made it to the room, I saw Kirche's hair was gloriously ruined by the sheer amount of dirt in it. After that, my Familiar slammed the door with all the force he could muster.

We both had to catch our breath as from the sudden exertion before my Familiar started to cry. I blinked at him for a moment, "W-why in Brimir's sake are you crying Familiar?!"

He looked at me with a puppy dog look, "Why couldn't those big breast go towards someone without a whore's personality."

I slammed my hand into his skull for that even if I agreed with him, "You waffle! You are thinking about that but now Kirche will spread a rumor that I have sugared my own Familiar! How am I going to deal with that!"

My Familiar was about to say something before a resounding thud came from the door, "You bastards! Louise, bring your Familiar out here so I can fucking tear his limbs apart for ruining my hair!"

Before I could say anything back my Familiar pointed his finger at me, "Get dressed! I will not be called a Lolicon or be killed in this damn world!"

I could only click my tongue as I ran over to my dresser and started to finish putting on my clothing. As I took my time I saw my Familiar tying all of my cover's together. I could only yell at him as I slipped on my bloise, "What are you doing Familiar!"

He looked at me for a moment and yelled, "Getting us out of here! That girl is going to tear us limb from limb so we're getting out of here! Get dressed faster!"

I gave him a glare as I was finishing my skirt, "I will take my time Familiar! If there is just a slightest tinge of lewdness to my dress the rumors will only amplify!"

I could hear him clicking his tongue at my response, only to stop as the sounds of fire could be heard outside my door, "Open this damn door up Louise! I want to teach this Familiar why I am Kirche the Ardent!"

"SHEEEIT/SUUGAAR!" We both screamed our respective curses as my Familiar was finishing up his tying of the covers. I myself haphhazardly tied my cloak since we couldn't do waffle against the Milk outside once she got in.

"Done!" We both screamed as my Familiar tied my now rope like bed covers to the bed itself. He threw the line outside and rappelled down it without even a thought. I could only click my tongue as I could hear the flames now being bashed against my door, so I grabbed onto my coin purse on instinct and did the same.

I didn't really think much when I dropped down the three stories besides the thought of running away. When I landed I saw my Familiar making a mad dash for the gate like an idiot. I was about to yell at him before the sounds of my door finally shattering could be heard, "Where are you Louise! Where's that damn Familiar!"

I decided to instead joined my Familiar. As I was catching up balls of fire started to be flung our direction like a hail of arrows. I could only assume it was Kirche's anger at my Familiar and that the Milk was never in the best state of mind I don't think she would have mind hitting me.

The issue now was if we ran on foot than Kirche could do the same or even fly to catch us! There had to be some way we could-!

"Familiar!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, "To the right! Stables!"

"Shit!" He dodged a fireball that was about to singe him, "Got it!"

As we ran to the stables I brought out some Tristans from my coin purse and threw them at a stable hand, "Take cover! We're taking the fastest horse of the guard!"

The man's eyes widened as the fire based attacks were coming our way. He quickly caught the coin I threw and took cover in the stables like a rat catching sight of a cat. He pointed at a pure black horse, "Take her ma'am! Take her and get the hell out of my Stables!"

I watched as my Familiar made his way onto the large horse with a single bound. If I had time I would have clicked my tongue but reached my hand to him instead, "Get me sugaring up there Familiar!"

"Hai Hai!" He grabbed onto my hand and with a yank brought me to onto the horse. We could hear the attacks battering the magically reinforced roof as I grabbed into the horse's reins.

I looked in front of us only to see a closed main door. I clicked my tongue in anger since we didn't have the time but I heard my Familiar scream, "Blow it up!"

I quickly brandished my wand and pointed it at the door. I yelled at the top of my lungs so even Brimir could hear it. "[Fireball]!"

***KABOOM!***

Within a moment the entire door was blown up, revealing scorched grass as I began to bring my steed into a gallop. I made sure to throw a few more Tristan onto the ground on my way out before we fled.

"[Hide]" I could feel my Familiar say as he gripped onto my chest tightly. I would have blown him up for it, but I noticed that all of Kirche's attacks were still directed at the stables as I set the black steed into full gallop towards the gate.

As we sped down the cobblestone road I could hear Kirche's final remark, "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS VALLIERE!"

We continued to ride at breakneck speeds for an hour. The scenery continued to change from epic valleys to forests of massive proportions. It didn't really mean much to us as the simple fear of being caught between a mage and a hard place meant we were scrambled eggs.

It would not be until we caught sight of the capital of Tristain, Amstrum, that I brought the horse to the side of the road. Without much ceremony I dropped from the horses in the opposite direction of my Familiar. I could feel my muscles burn from the ride and my heart racing from our near death flight. By Brimir I'm exhausted.

I must say though, it was worth seeing face of Kirche's surprise when my Familiar made her pay for such an act.

A small smirk broke out on my face before I bursted in laughter, "Ahahah! That was perfect, Familiar! Kirche's face was priceless!" I turned to see my Familiar looking at me like I grew a second head, "What? Kirche will learn her lesson."

He slowly nodded his head, "Why do you have a stupid grin on your face? We almost got ourselves killed!"

I simply shrugged, "But it was worth seeing Kirche's face though, was it not?"

I could see my Familiar grow a small smile, "Well maybe. Damn bitch got what she deserved for making fun of me."

"Amen Familiar, amen." I said with a cheer.

We laid down until the sun was at high noon for some rest. Even if remembering Kirche's face lightened my mood about this entire mess it still didn't mean we weren't exhausted from the escape.

It would be after what seemed like an hour that our stomachs started to growl and my Familiar groan in complaint. "Could we head to that city and get some food?" He said lazily.

I rose myself from the ground, "I believe that would be the best course of action. Is there anything you would want in particular?"

He looked at me like I was crazy, "You not going to chose for me? You seem like the type of stuck up Noble who would do that."

I ignored his attack with a wave of my hand, "It is simply a reward for what you did to Kirche."

He looked at me even more warily, "You were acting like a Tsundere last night. Why am I not being hit in the head with something just for talking to another girl."

I gave him a glare, "Do you want to eat or not."

He just shrugged casually before getting himself off the ground, "Hai Hai, I understand."

I watched as my Familiar mounted the horse, leaving me on the ground without assistance. I raised my hand up towards him and spoke with a sneer, "Get me up."

The boy simply rolled his eyes at me, "Hai." He grabbed my hand and with a jolt I was lifted onto the steed. From numerous years I've practiced and enjoyed I took the reins of the horse and got the mighty steed to trot.

I made my way past the merchants trying to get their way into the city. As I saw the Peasantry lined up I gave them a courteous nod of acknowledgement. With that, I finished our journey to the front gate.

"Uh, excuse me ma'am." I saw one of the Guard approaching, "Uh, which Family are you from?"

"Valliere, I am Karen of the Heavy Wind's third daughter. Before you ask, I am here just for some food with my Familiar."

The man gave me a nod before looking at my Familiar, "What about this man behind you? Sorry if I'm speaking out of line, but I don't really trust him."

"Oi! I haven't committed any crimes here!"

I quickly flicked the boy in his forehead before turning back to the guard, "Ignore him for he is in fact my Familiar. If you will question me more you will need to answer to my mother."

The man's eyes widened for a moment before nodding rapidly, "I-I understand! You may be on your way Miss. Valliere!"

I raised my finger to stop him, "If you don't mind, do you know where I can deposit my Horse?"

"Y-yeah!" He said quickly, "There is a stables to the left!"

With that I left the guard behind as I could just feel my Familiar's grin, "Huh, so thats how its supposed to be done. Fufufu, maybe I should have Darkness learn a thing or two from you."

I just shrugged at his wonder, "If we Nobles do not exercise our power what good is it?"

With that we quickly deposited the horse in the stables and took to the streets. The Capital was as always, busier than bees. It brought a nice warmth to my heart to know that my friend's kingdom will continue to thrive even with the death of her father, the Late King.

Of course we need to enjoy something, "Familiar, have you decided what we will eat?"

I got no response from my Familiar when I called out to him. It seemed like he was looking around, but I noticed his eyes twitch a little, "Familiar, I know you heard me. Are you not going to respond." I said with a little more mirth.

He grew a little smile without looking at me, "Maybe you should call people by their names, Midget."

I tried my best to keep back my growl at the man who had no respect for me. Though now that I thought about it, he said he attacked Kirche because she made fun of him. Damn, it seems my Familiar has a sense of pride that would put many Nobles to shame. Why can he not just bend his knee to me so we can eat!

And so we kept walking with the day's light going by. We made our way through a number of markets and past taverns, all with smells that I would have enjoyed. We could obviously hear each others sugaring stomachs growl in retaliation! The bastard will not bend his knee to his superior though!

Before we knew it however the sun in the sky settled near the horizen while the streets much less tame. The people around us were not nearly as nicely dressed as common folk, some even wearing just rags.

"Look what you did Familiar!" I barked, "Now we are slums for Brimir's sake."

His retort was quick, "Don't be blaming me Midget. You're the one who couldn't call me by my name."

"But you are my Familiar are you not!"

"I'm a human being ya Midget," he quickly retorted, "I don't see you calling every person Commoner or Noble!"

The two of us stopped around a corner to continue our argument. As I once again tried to break his will I noticed his eyes widen a little. He then made an attempt to walk away from me and turned to the corner.

I made my way over without much care, "Why are you so-!" I was suddenly brought into the Familiar's arms as he cover my mouth.

I was gonna bite his hand but my Familiar brought his finger to his lips, "_We were being followed."_ He pointed towards the corner we just came from.

I realized he dragged me behind a wooden crate that seemed filled with trash. I would have cursed my Familiar again, but then a moderate sized figure emerged from the corner. It was sketchy, covered in a black cloak that hid most of their face save for a few strains of brown hair.

My Familiar gripped onto a sword on his back, "_Okay Midget, I need you to make an explosion directed at the corner. Make it small enough to get their attention while I get them from behind."_

"_My name is Louise!"_

"_We've got worse shit to worry about you idiot!"_ The Familiar said as the assailant was now searching for us, "_Fine, I'll call you Louise but you gotta call me Kazuma. Got it, Louise."_

I grew a small smile, "_That's fine by me… Kazama."_

I watched as he slapped his hand into his face, "_Good enough, just do it!"_

I nodded to him and quickly casted a dot spell with a little will power, "_[Flame]"_

The small explosion went off like someone smacking wood, getting the person's attention easily. I watched my Familiar, Kazama, quickly emerged from the shadows and struck the person in the back of the head with the pumble of his weird blade, causing the assailant to be knocked out without even a fight.

"Good job Fa-Kazama," I said while emerging from the hiding spot, "Now we just need to-"

"WAIT!" My Familiar had his palm facing me, "That was way too easy. I should have ended up with my face in the ground or you almost blowing me up."

"What are you talking about Kazama?"

"Okay it's Ka-Zu-Ma for one! Two, this is too weird. Something about this person is not right!" He said as he cautiously touch the person's shoulder.

I stamped my way over to him, "What are you so worried about Familiar! Lets see who it is!" I gripped onto the person's shoulder, feeling the rather lax muscles like one would find on a Noble. I didn't pay it much heed though as I quickly turned them over to reveal-

"P-Princess Henrietta!"

I watched with bated breath as without the hood covering it, our assailant's face was one I recognized instantly. Her hair was turning from what was a brown to a rich, royal purple as if it was enchanted with disguise magic as we stared. It only took a moment though as her best friend, I realized my mistake.

"Oh Brimir oh Brimir oh Brimir! Princess why are you here!" I yelled at her unconscious body, "We need to take her to the guard!"

"No!" My Familiar scream, "Are you insane! We'll be on death row before you can say Explosion!"

"Well what do you think we should do!" I yelled at him.

He looked from side to side before nodding to himself, "First, we need to get out of here. We've been yelling too much so someone's gonna check us out."

I nodded, "Then we take her to the castle. There should be a water mage on standby for any-"

My Familiar flicked my head, "Did you not listen to me. We'll die if any authority sees us with her. Hell, why was she following us in the first place."

I thought for a moment, "I do not know why Henrietta is outside the castle! She should be with Queen Marianne since the King died." I tried to shake my best friend's limp body, "Why were you following us Ann! If you called me at any time I would have come to the Castle without care."

I turned to see my Familiar staring at me as if I couldn't tell a hamster from a Dragon, "Louise, you know this girl personally don't you. Are you two childhood friends?"

I nod my head vigorously, "Yes! The Valliere family has always been close to the Royal family. I was given the honor of being Princess Henrietta's playmate!"

I could hear my Familiar grumble something about altruistic Nobles and that Darkness name again before he picked the Princess up, "Okay, we just need to wait till she wakes up, right?"

I shook my head vigorously, "Y-yeah! I am sure Princess Henrietta would exolve any perceived crimes against us!"

My Familiar's eyes widened as I tried to give him assurance before kneeling to pick up the Princess, "Shit, we need to go! Something is tripping my Detect Enemy!"

"Where are we supposed to go?! Do we know which way these enemies are coming from!?"

"Shit shit shit…" He looked from side to side before pointing, "This way I think!"

So ran down the street. We passed a few people,their eyes widening in our wake. The sounds of movement could be heard more and more as we ran. My Familiar seemed to be struggling at holding the Princess as he ran. I could not even help him carry the princess, even losing my cape a few streets back

"Shit!" My Familiar screamed before disappearing behind a conveniently placed crate. Taking his cue, I quickly took my place behind him. He settled the Princess on his knee before placing a hand on my chest.

"Hey you d-!"

"_SHHHHHH!_" he silenced me as a pair of men came in front of us.

They looked to be civilians with concerned looks on their face, "Johnny said the guys went this way right?" Said one with a little fat on his bones.

"Yeah, he said the Kidnappers of her majesty were seen coming this way." claimed one with a small mustache.

"Shit man, what should we do?"

"Easy, we report this to the Guard. I know Johnny wasn't the only one who saw them, but if we tell the guard first thought we'd get a bunch of money, Hell maybe even a thank you from the Princess herself."

The mustached one's eyes widened, "Your right, what was their descriptions again?"

"Uh, I heard it was two men, a short haired brunette while the other had extremely long pink hair."

"Pink hair, was it a Valliere?!"

The fat one shook his head, "Hell no. They didn't have any sons and I never heard of a Valliere being a midget."

I watched as the men ran off with my Familiar holding me back from blowing them up. After a moment the men rounded the corner I was released. With this freedom I turned to try and strangle my Familiar, "Why the sugar did you stop me Familiar! They deserve death for their ignorance!"

He was keeping me back with his sugaring superior reach, "Don't go around killing people or me. We need to get some disguises on."

I clicked my tongue as I stopped trying to break free from the boy. I watched as he produced two pairs of masks from his pocket. They looked to be something you would find on a playing card but I could feel their magical power, "Put one of these on. I had Vanir enchant them to hide our identities."

"Why would I want to hide my identity!" I yelled at him, "I am a Valliere! One of the most powerful Noble Families in Tristain and Halkegenia!"

"Exactly!" He quickly placed it on my face before wrapping the Princess's cloak around me, "You are way too noticeable! We need to hide our identities until this mess goes over and if you are IDed I'm going down with you!"

He quickly removed the cloak that was covering the Princess and quickly placed it on me. I quickly looked into a piece of glass to the side, my figure now looking like some shorter than average male thief. Why did that man's description have to be so sugaring right!

I looked down to see the now cloakless body of my Princess. She was dressed in a knight's chain shirt and a tunic under that that seemed built to her curves. I watched in horror however as my Familiar was quickly taking off her chain shirt, causing my face to become sugaring hot, "What are you doing to Ann!"

"She's heavy! We won't be able to get around if shes got 25 pounds of metal holding her down!"

"F-fine, but I forbid you to undress her." I said with my face burning, "I-I will do it as I am her childhood friend."

He clicked his tongue, "Do it quick, the guards will be here soon."

With my face burning I quickened myself in removing the Princess's chain shirt. To think her hands were this delicate, almost as lovely as her face. I tried my best to ignore her beauty as I felt my Familiar's hand on my shoulder.

"Get back to work." He said in a snap, "I need to stay in contact with you so my [Hide] skill keeps us hidden."

I placed it into the back of my mind to talk to my Familiar about all these things he can somehow do. Right now I was finishing the removal of Henrietta's shirt, my face seemed to burn as I watched her…

"Oi! Don't short out on me!" I was now being shaken by my Familiar, "I'm not being thrown into jail on my second day of being in a new world!"

I was brought back into reality looking at my Familiar shaking me. The sounds of footsteps could be heard from the distance while Henrietta was lifted onto my Familiar's shoulders.

I quickly nodded, "L-lets go! And do not try anything to the Princess or I will whip you!"

"You're the one who was ogling her ya damn Midget." He said as he got up, "We can get out this way!" And he dashed off in a random direction leaving me to only follow.

"I will get you for this Familiar!" I yelled as we made a mad dashas we ran across an open street.

"Shit! They went this way!"

"KAMI-SAN!/FROSTING!"

I swore this was the most I have ever ran in my life. I chased after my Familiar from one alley to another, the sounds of guards coming ever closer as I swore under my breath. I swear fate was just playing with us now!

I mean, we turn a corner and there are guards stationed waiting at the end of the ally. We go right and there's a mob of civilians with pitchforks waiting for us. I even watched my Familiar cast clear forms of magic, touching the some members of the mob or guards while yelling "[Drain Touch]" before we ran another way.

With the Princess securely on his shoulder he quickly grabbed some rope that was hanging about. Taking it he tied it to an arrow be produced from his a quiver I didn't even know he had. In the next few moments watched as he brought up a bow I once again never realised he had, a small glow coming from his hand as he yelled, "[Snipe]!"

The arrow indented itself into the roof with the string attached. Within a moment he grabbed onto the rope before quickly running up it like some scared squirrel. I was about to yell at him before another group of Peasants came about the corner, forcing me to climb it myself.

As I made it to the top he quickly brandished a sword that sliced through the rope. I watched as some of the Plebeians that were climbing with me fell back onto the ground.

"Oh cupcakes." This was the first moment in a while that I was able to catch my breath. I turned to see my Familiar was looking over the city with a concerned look, "Kazuma, how the sugar are you able to run for so long."

"I, uh, Magic" He quickly responded before something seemed to dawn on him, "I think I got a way out of this damn city!"

"Really!" I yelled in relief, "Please, I want to stop running!"

He pointed towards where we came into the city, "If we run to the stables we might be able to snag our horse and escape through the gate! Once we get to a forest I can easily hide us before Princess here wakes up!"

I knew how stupid that idea was, but if we continued like this I was going to have a fit, "How do we get there though? I'm exhausted."

I watched as my Familiar came to my side, "Don't give out on me yet, [Drain Touch]!"

I could feel my body fill up with energy. It felt like I could go another round of that running but, "Familiar, what kind of magic is this!?"

"Magic from a Onee-San Lich." He said quickly before securing the Princess on his shoulder once again, "Now run!" He yelled before leaping across to a **sugaring roof**.

I felt good now, but I wasn't too sure I could do that. I looked back to see that the people were already bringing ladders out though, so I clicked my tongue before following my Familiar.

I could feel it though. The wind against going through my hair and the thrill of all that was happening. I felt like I was some hero in a story. I mean, who wouldn't start to become starstruck when you are bounding roofs of the Astrum!

As the sun was setting and we were almost halfway there I could hear the flapping of wings. I turned to face the castle that laid in the center of Amstrum. Emerging from it were 6 figures that flew through the sky.

"Griffins!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. My Familiar took notice as well as he started to curse himself. I watched as he brought out his bow again, "Are you going to shoot them Familiar!"

"No duh! We are sitting ducks out here!" He yelled as he notched his arrows, "I'm not going to jail and dying on the second day of my vacation! [Snipe]! [Snipe]! [Snipe]! [Snipe]! [Snipe]! [Snipe]!"

I watched in distinct horror as he released a series of arrow fire at them. I couldn't believe how fast they were going as the mages riding them didn't even have time to react. One after another the Griffins fell out of the sky in short succession.

"W-will they be okay!" I yelled in horror. If I remember Wardes was captain of the Griffins.

"I think so. I'm lucky so they should not die in the landing. I'm not to sure about the Griffins though."

"Great," I took my Familiar's shotty assurance that Wardes would live, "Let's get out of here Familiar!"

With that we continued to run. The sounds of the cities confusion and the running of the guards seemed to bring the city into a frenzy. Everyone seemed to be looking for the kidnappers of the Princess by now. Louise had to thank her Familiar now, if they were caught earlier or submitted they would have surely been lynched by the mob alone.

We almost made it before a voice could be heard, "Stop right there fiends!" Suddenly flying from the streets was a mage of sorts. On his chest was a triangle, the symbol for an accomplished line mage, "I will save the Princess from your clutches!"

I didn't even have time to think as my Familiar quickly brought out his cloak towards the person, "[Bind]!" I watched in surprise as the robe magically wrapped itself around the man, disabling him long enough for my Familiar to touch the man's shoulder, "[Drain Touch]!" An angry blue light seemed to suck the man's energy dry as he stopped fighting the bindings.

Without much ceremony we ditched the mage and finally made it above the stables. Without even thinking I bared my wand towards the roof, "[Fireball]!" I could feel the pull on my reserves as the roof was opened up, leaving our horse exposed and a series of things for us to drop down with.

With a few more hops we were on the horse's back. The burning of my muscles came back to me once again as my body seemed to take this moment to shut down.

"Oi, drive Louise! They'll know we are here soon!" My familiar yelled.

"I can't. I hurt so much. So much running and that spell."

I could feel him grabbing the back of my neck before yelling, "[Drain Touch]!"

I could feel another surge of power going through my body, allowing me to once again stand up right. With that I snapped the reins of the horse and we were off. The Guards and what seemed like a mage stationed at the gate were not prepared for us as I brought the horse through. With the Guards on their asses, we galloped onto the road and out of sight.

Today was the first day I realized just who I summoned. Satou Kazuma, a person who trouble seems to always find a way of attracting trouble and the most dangerous Familiar in the world by sheer luck. And you know what, he's also a sugaring idiot because we lost our chance to get some damn lunch!


	3. Ch 3: Princess Henrietta

**Go see Endgame. Now that we dated this I like to welcome you all back to my Fanfiction. I would like to mention before we start that I am once again looking for a beta. My Beta, ae my sister, caused me to delay this because she didn't have time to look over it. Funny how that worked, but I made sure to release this. Enjoy the story. **

We put our horses at a trot through the forest for an hour, exhaustion quickly catching up to me. The horse was having a troubling time keeping all three of us on his back, but the beast seemed to be able to work through the unfortunate burden. Luckily, no one has tried following us when we left the city since we left it in chaos.

"Take a left." My Familiar said as we tried to navigate the forest.

"Do you even know the way Fam-… Kazuma."

"Hey you finally got my name right."

"I am too tired and hungry for this. I simply want to know because we are responsible for the Princess's safety."

"I'll call it a gut feeling. I've never been here before. Oh, I'm feeling like taking a right now."

I clicked my tongue in annoyance as I made a turn to the right. It was like magic as we breached the foliage to reveal a small pond that was isolated from the world. It was fresh water, something my Mother always cheered about when she talked about her travels around Halkegenia.

I brought the horse to a stop, "This seems like a nice place to rest, what does your magic say Kazuma?"

"Hmm, seems pretty good. Nothing is setting off my [Detect Enemy] so we should be set."

With that we dismounted the horse. When my feet touched the ground I could feel my entire lower body burn with the pain of a thousand needles. Though life was pain, I cared more for my Princess then even my own limbs!

My Familiar placed the princess on the ground as I made my way around the horse. I knelled to her side, seeing my precious friend somehow sleeping in peace. The whole came at me and I was falling spectacularly to the ground.

"Kazuma, I have many questions to ask-." I was about to finish my question when a massive grumbling stomach came from me, "Oh biscuits!"

"Oi, don't be blurting out food names when I'm starving!"

I looked over to see him clutching his stomach in the same manner I was. He spoke in a pained tone, "I'm gonna find food."

"Yeah… that would be fantastic."

I watched as my Familiar walked over to the corners in search of some food. While I could help him I was sure my Familiar's seemingly absurd luck would score him food, so I decided to check on Princess's health. First I checked where my Familiar hit her in case the idiot damaged her skull, but there wasn't any blood as I ran my fingers through her hair. Since the ground was too unsightly for my Friend, I moved myself so she could use my lap as a pillow.

As I continued to work I could hear a weapon being drawn. I whipped my head in the direction to see my Familiar stalking towards a bush. What in the world was the idiot doing?

"Kazuma, what in the name of Brimir are you doing?"

He looked at me in confusion the acceptance, "Oh, you're going to tell me fruits and vegetables in this world never attacks you."

"Have you gone mental Familiar?! Why in the name of Brimir would a plant try and kill you?"

"Uhh..." The idiot looked at his blade for a moment before approaching the bush with a little less caution. I could _feel_ his stupidity as he gently slid his sword into the bush like it was going to jump out at him and bite his head off. After that he greedily snatched a large amount of berries from the bush before rushing over to me.

He presented the berries to me, "So you know if these are poisonous?"

"Why would I know that? I'm a Noble not a hunter of game."

A growl came from his stomach before he seemed to give, "I'm going to regret this." And he tossed some berries into his mouth.

I would have normally stopped my Familiar from killing himself over some berries, but I really wanted to know if it was poisonous. He slowly moved his jaw chewing on a good half of the pile while no immediate signs of poison came. Though, there are some poisons that are slow reaction.

I just gave a sigh, if my Familiar was poisoned it might take days before the effects show themselves, but if it's not killing him its not immediately lethal. If he's not immediately poisoned maybe I can eat them and ask the Princess to cleanse my system.

I continued to pet Ann's hair, I would rather not subject her to such a horrid site. I grew a little smile as I saw my Princess looked at peace. My Familiar took a seat on the opposite side of me.

I couldn't bring myself to get rid of his dumb looking smile so I instead sighed, "Familiar, how are you able to use magic?"

He looked surprised I asked before thinking to himself, "I… actually never thought about that."

I looked at him like he was crazy, "H-how have you never thought about how you use magic?"

He shrugged, "I just thought it came with the setting."

"Setting…" Was he treating this all like some maid's book? "Well then Kazuma, I want to ask you something. Those spells you were casting, they were not elemental so, what were they?"

My Familiar scratched the back of his head, "I… don't know what you are talking about. My previous world didn't really bother with what their spells were made of, just how powerful they were."

I mouthed those words, "Previous world… cubesugar."

"Oi, don't discount me being isekied into other worlds so easily! Your the one who dragged me here to began with."

While I knew that my Familiar always gave off a feeling of scum, I honestly could believe him. The Familiar Summoning ritual was something we mages never understood really, so maybe all the things we summon come from another world. Sugar if I know.

It was then a spark lit of lightning crossed my brain, "Well then Familiar, maybe you could teach me the spells you've been using. Maybe I am just unable to cast the spells of this world."

"You sarcastic..." He looked like I just lost my head before looking a bit perplex, "Even if I did want to, I don't know how to do it. I was just shown and then I allocated my points."

"Points? What in Brimir's name do points have to do with magic?"

He simply shrugged, "It's just how my previous world worked. I guess I could show you some of it and you end up being some genius at magic."

"Do it."

He looked at me, taken aback from my sure fire answer. I knew magic theory like the back of my hand as I always tried to cast spells. Yes, theory wasn't very extensive, but I very well wanted to see the look on Kirche's face when I finally casted a spell. If it meant I needed to cheat using my Familiar I will do so by Brimir's sake.

"Alright? Give me your hand." He brought out his hand towards me.

I nodded and put it forward, my Familiar's hand encompassing it, "First, I'll use [Drain Touch]. Uh, I guess just watch and feel it. [Drain Touch]"

My hand started to glow a bright purple as I could feel my very essence being drained. Unlike before when I guess he was putting life into me this felt sickening, disgusting, and unholy. It was unlike any magic I had ever experienced before today. And a moment later it was done and felt much more tired than I did a moment ago.

"Okay, now I'm going to give you energy. [Drain Touch]."

And a moment later I felt the energy move into my being. There was that light feeling I had from when he used it to me before, but that unholy taint still seemed to permeate the spell. This time however I paid attention to how he did it, and my eyes widened.

"Well that's all I can teach you." He collapsed on the ground and yawned of what seemed like exhaustion, "You're first watch as payment."

"First watch? What are you saying Familiar!" That didn't seem to stir him as he started to snore.

I felt like I had much more energy than when he first activated his spell on me. If that spell had a two way method of transmitting life force, the brooch! He gave me his energy so he could sugaring sleep!

While I could glare at his sleeping body, it was just a waste of energy. Instead I brushed my Princess's hair while thinking about the spell.

As I thought of it, the spell seemed to come clearer and clearer in my mind. This spell was known as [Drain Touch], and it seemed to focus on the manipulation of lifeforce. It was not like the healing done by water, as that focused on replacing pieces of one's body with a recreation of flesh. This was in fact true lifeforce as I remembered both my stamina and willpower being drained and received. It was by all accounts that this was not our elemental magic.

'_It could be Void.'_ I laughed at myself before the realization finally hit me. It was not elemental, so why could it not be Void?

For a moment I tensed, stopping my care of Henrietta. Could I… cast it? Would I be able to cast something related to… _Void._

I looked down at my best friend sleeping in my lap. The spell required something a target. It required something to _give or drain_. Would I risk my best friend?

"[Drain Touch]."

It only glowed for a second before I stopped myself, my lethargy coming back from before my Familiar's betrayal. I actually did it, I just casted magic!

"Y-YES! TAKE THAT ZERBST!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"l-Louise?" I felt a shuffle on my lap as I saw my Princess's purple eyes looking up at me with a tiredness.

"A-P-Princess Henrietta! Your awake!" I exclaimed, almost throwing her off my lap.

My friend looked at me with a bewildered expression, "Y-yes Louise. Uh, were you saying something?"

I could not help my smile, "I-I casted magic, Y-your Majesty! It did not even blow up on me! I casted good to honest magic just now!"

"Th-that is amazing Louise!" My friend skyrocketed off my lap and grabbed my hands, "We should celebrate! You have been trying for years, what's your element?"

I opened my mouth before closing it, then opened, then closed. My foolish gamble with the Princess's life seemed to involve an assumption that it was`

"V-void. I think I just used void magic."

The Princess of my country broke away from the embrace, leaving her hand on my shoulder, "I should have guessed you were of the Void Mage Louise! What else would be more fitting for my best friend than Void, a mage of Brimir's element!"

Her face widened into a smile, "Oh how I have missed you! When I saw you in the streets with that strange boy I, uh…" Her face blushed a good bit.

"Oh, uh, but, guh," I tried to catch myself, "Princess, why are you not in the castle with the Queen!?"

"Oh, I uh…. Yeah. You see Louise I, uh, you know how my Father died recently. Well the Castle was so depressing and grim and my engagement, and my-"

I stopped her, "You've been engaged! To who!?"

"Oh, uh…" My Princess went timid, "I've been engaged to the King of Germania."

"WHAT! But he's the brute of brutes! Why would you agree to such a marriage?"

"We need the armies and, oh Brimir."

In a quick moment she embraced me in another hug, my shoulder wettening with tears, "Louise how I missed you. Everything has just been, Brimir."

I tried my best to comfort her, padding her back like my mother was suppose to do. I could hear her mumbling in my shoulder, but it was completely incoherent. We stayed like this for a few minutes while we ignored my Familiar's snore.

Princess Henrietta released me from our embrace, her tears now dried from my shoulder, "I am sorry Louise. That was…. unsightly of me."

"It is okay Ann, it is just that life has been hard on the two of us while we were apart."

"Yeah…" Ann said as she turned her head, "Uh, who is that? Did you find a lover?"

I could feel my stomach turn, "Oh sugar no! He is my Familiar, a brute that stinks of scum."

Henrietta's face was that of complete surprise, "You summoned a _Human!_"

I nodded, "I did. An unruly, temperamental, and extremely willful Familiar who made us skip lunch. If you ask me, Princess Henrietta, you should avoid the Ritual in the slightest chance you summon a being like him."

She nodded cautiously, "I guess… Why do we not catch up more than Louise, how has the Academy been?"

I felt my heart drop at the mention of the academy, "It's been… okay."

I could feel my Princess's eyes narrow, "Louise, it has not has it? Just now you said you casted magic for the first time and you are not even a healthy height for your age. Louise, your circumstances are not one that a person of happiness."

I chuckled a little, "I guess you would see through my little white lie. No, things have not been good. If I had to be honest, that sugaring brute gave me a bit of a relief if I was not starving now. No, my time in the Academy has been horrendous. The biscuits even gave me the moniker, Louise the Sugaring Zero."

Her friend looked down to the ground, "Is that so…."

I grabbed onto my Friends shoulders, "Princess Henrietta, your problems are much more pressing than a simply Noble like me. All this was happening while I was at the Academy. If you need any help with anything I will leave the academy for you."

I could tell Ann was taken aback from my commitment to helping her. To think so many things happened to her, my troubles are minute to hers and the countries. As I have said many times before, I would abandon that good for nothing academy for my Princess and Best Friend.

I watched for a moment as her face morphed from a series of looks. Worry, anxiety, and faintly acceptance, "You see Louise, there was something I've been meaning to ask of you. I… need you to retrieve a letter from Albion. A… love letter."

My eyebrows rose, "You have a lover!?"

She lowered her head, "Yes…. The letter was for Prince Wales, my Lover."

"Oh, I understand…" It was unspoken why the letter needed to be returned. I knew from lessons and experience how politics worked. With a letter like that Henretta's marriage to the Germanian King could come into jeopardy. Even if Triastain denounced it as a fake, spells done by the Royal Family to letters that prove authenticity backfire. If Henrietta's loyalty to the Germanian King is questioned, the entire marriage could be put under by opposing Nobles in both Germania and Tristanian Nobles who were against it.

Though I could feel an ache in my heart as I heard her say those words, 'Lover'.

"Do you want me to retrieve the article Princess Henrietta?"

Her face was stern, "Yes, Louise, I need you to retrieve the letter. From my sources there are only three garrison's that are still loyal to Prince Wales. I need you to find him and either retrieve the note or... destroy it."

I took a knee in front of my Princess, "If this is what you desire Princess Henrietta. I will destroy the entire garrison if I need to."

I could tell she did not like this situation, but it cannot be helped. She is a Noble, a Princess to boot. Sometimes we cannot have happy marriages if it means the safety of our people.

I could hear Henrietta give a relieved sigh, "Enough of that now Louise. I want to continue talking to you like a few moments ago. If you don't mind, we should go to the Castle to retrieve some people to assist you in this endeavor.

My face when peat red in embarrassment, "Oh, uh, Ann, there's a problem I need to mention."

"A problem?"

"You see when my Familiar knocked you out, we were spotted carrying you. Currently me and Kazuma, my Familiar, might be wanted by the Kingdom of Tristain for your kidnapping."

"Eh?" I looked up from my kneeling to see Ann stunned at the revelation, "H-how did you escape the city!?"

I rubbed my neck a little, "As I said before, my Familiar is a willful, stubborn brute. No matter how much I hate him though, he is also skilled fighter, or at least could pass as a Rogue without the charm."

"By Brimir," She looked down at the boy who keeps growing goofy smiles when he sleeps, "Is that true?"

I give a nod, "I am not lying, but I ask if you do not have me wake him. He is irritable."

With that Henrietta gave a stern nod, "Very well, this was all caused by myself, my Louise, I will be sure that you are absolved of your crime."

I give a bow to my Princess, "Thanks Princess Henrietta, I do however fear we cannot go through the front gate of the capital. They will surely kill us thinking we are to ransom you."

The Princess thought to herself, "Well, there are many ways into the Capital, most of them quite random lakes that cover passages like this one we are sitting at." She seemed to think to herself for a moment, "Actually, this pond is one of them."

The Princess brought to bear her wand, tapping the water about few times

"[Taming of Water]."

In the next moment the entire lake seemed to move on its own. It seemed to flee the now emptying reservoir into thebehind the large amount of trees. Laying bare now was a stone structure obviously made by a skilled earth mage.

"This is the main escape route from the castle towards Tristain Academy. You two were quite lucky to set camp here." My Princess shined me a honest smile.

I however had my mouth agape, "The bastard…"

I mumbled a small thanks to my stupid Familiar before nodding, "Then we should head in, Princess. Monsters or a searching party might find us. I'll go and… bring my Familiar."

I heard my Princess's confirmation as I approached the man that radiated a horrid aura, "Familiar, awaken from your slumber!"

He didn't even mumble at my response. The bastard fucking did that trick to me earlier thinking I couldn't even wake him up. This time, Sugaring bastard was right, I could feel my exhaustion from the journey earlier. Even if I gave him stamina, I'd just fall asleep myself. Like I was going to leave the boy alone with Ann!

Since Henrietta was keeping the water away it was up to me to move his form instead. I grabbed onto his arm with a great tug, but I seemed to only move him an inch.

"Uh, Louise do you need any help?"

"Its fine, Princess Henrietta. I just need to approach this a little smarter."

I ignored my Princess's mumbling as I thought to myself. I turned to face the mighty steed we rode here, a small roll of twine at its hip.

"Perfect!"

It took me a minute to ready it. As I moved the Horse forward to tense the rope my Princess approached, "Louise, are you sure this would be the proper way to move him?"

I gave her a smile, "I believe it is adequate to how I have been feeling all day. If only he chose a place to eat none of us would have to sleep in a tunnel. As I know force will not work, this will be adequate for his standing."

With that I brought to horse towards the chamber, the satisfying sounds of my Familiar being dragged by his feet to our destination. I watched as my Princess quickly maneuvering to my front of my and presented her ring to the stone door. With a click it was opened to reveal a tunnel lit by eternal flames.

"Its filled with so many cobwebs." Was the only complaint I voiced.

"Yeah, these were constructed a few centuries ago. I am surprised the [Eternal Flame] torches are still lit."

Either way, I brought the horse into the structure, dragging my Familiar behind him. Once he was inside, I watched the Princess close the door behind us with another click of its stone door. I yawned and brushed off some ground for seat for both me and my Princess.

We took our seats on the stone floor, my heart buzzing a little as we sat together. The Princess shined me a wry smile as you noted just how sugaring depressing this room seemed to be.

"Hey Louise, what was that spell you learned?" My Princess asked innocently.

"It is called [Drain Touch], I think. I would try and show it to you but I need a target…" I quickly looked around the room for something to drain, but I knew Draining my Familiar might kill him and surely I would be kicked in the face if I tried the horse.

"Well could you use it on me? If it does not hurt very much I wouldn't mind." Henrietta said selflessly.

"No, it hurts a lot. Like someone is trying to pull your soul from your body hurts."

"Oh, then I will not be able to witness my Friend's magic. Pity…"

I couldn't hold back a yawn. Before I knew it I was resting on my friend's comfy shoulder. I could feel an arm move my head onto a soft surface while I looked up at the Princess. She gave me a nice smile, "Maybe we should talk later Louise, you seem tired out."

I give her a nod. Since we are now in the safety of this chamber, it is probably good for me to take a rest, "Just be sure to wake me if there is any issue, Princess Henrietta."

I watched her gain a frown, "Before you fall asleep, Louise, even if just once call me by that old nickname of mine."

Who was I to refuse? "Alright… Ann." And I allowed darkness to consume my vision.


	4. Ch 4: The Escape from the Escape Route

**Hello everyone, been a while. I've been wanting to make this chapter for a while but I didn't know how to write it. I quite had to force myself to write out half this chapter with bullshit, that turned out very entertaining. **

**And to those who don't like Louise saying Sugar and such, its a gimmick I stole from a Fanfic called Overlady which inspired this one. I also have a love for giving my characters those kind of gimmicks, as I can just use it as shorthand to tell you whos talking. Other examples are that all the Nobles don't use contractions and Kazuma occasionally cuts words like lookin', bein', and an'. **

**Besides all that, thanks for coming and give a review. I love reading them. **

Ugh, why in the world does my back feel like it was just dragged behind a carriage. Here I was enjoying a dream about being back in my Mansion with a nice hot pot being cooked, but I woke up in some damp dark dungeon.

"Huh?"

I gave another tug of my feet, a piece of rope was there binding em. Did we get caught! Am I in jail again! Oh Kami I- wait.

My eyes fully adjusted to the room I noticed a blob of something that seemed out of place. It was a pair of girls, a precious sight of one of them giving the other a lap pillow. Now that I knew they were there I activated some skills to, uh, just to see who they were. Nothing more officer.

I recognized one of them instantly, the Midget known as Louise laying on the a purple haired person's lap. While normally I would have been jealous of this sight, it looked like the perfect scene out of a Slice of Life Anime. Damn, I could already feel the warm feeling called happiness bubble up in me. What about the other?

Purple hair with a slender body and breast that would put any japanese to shame. Who was she again? Didn't I carry her on the rooftops of that city?

Oh yeah she's the Princess I knocked out.

Damn I wish I was the Midget now.

I turned to my own predicament. For some reason I'm tied to the horse we've been using all day, the guy just layin down on the floor. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say the Midget used the horse to drag me into here. Damn her, I'm the devious bastard!

With irritation I reached back and grabbed ChunChunmaru from my back, a satisfying sound came as I sliced the ropes. And just as I cut them, my feet felt like a thousand needles were being jabbed into them. Oh I'm going to get her for this.

I moved my feet a little tryin to get them awake faster causing a painful crack resounded through the room. The relief I felt was truly remarkable, but then I heard faint rattling coming from the two. It seems the two of them have woken up, great…

The one who snapped awake was the Princess, almost throwing her wand as she pointed it at me. She looked from side to side before gaining a little blush, "Oh, I am sorry, Louise and, uh, Kazuma. I guess I fell asleep."

Cute.

Louise got up with a yawn, looking like Chumuske that got up from one of its lazy naps, "Princess? Uh, sorry I should not have fallen asleep on you."

"That's alright Louise. You are my friend." I watched the Princess giving my 'Master' smile that belonged on Eris.

"R-right!" the Midget, rose tinted sheeks, shot up from her lapillow and turned to me, "I see you have unbound yourself Kazuma. You will be leading us through the halls until we reach the Castle."

An eyebrow rose, "Castle? Where the hell are we?"

"In one of the Royal Family's escape routes." The Mini-Megumi said pumping her chest out, "We will follow this tunnel to the Capital, and then to the Castle that is Henrietta's home."

I took a moment to look around. Ery flames strung about the halls, the sound of water trickling about, and even cobwebs. "Ah hell, of all this time I've been in the other world it took weeks to find a proper Dungeon. Third day here and boom, Dungeon!"

"Dungeon? What are you talking about Kazuma!?"

I turned to see Louise puffing her face at me. I could only sigh as it seems that even though this world was more removed from RPG logic when it came to mechanics, only that every fucking other thing lined up with it. Issue, no one seems to have realized that!

"I'm gonna to take a bet and say we are going to fight something while we are down here. Now don't go '_Explosion!' _while we are spelunking got it!"

"Do you think I'm stupid Familiar?" She asked with a nice hint of malice, "Of course I will refrain from my Failures, this entire tunnel is already centuries old." She grew a sharp smile, "Especially now that I can cast magic."

I rose an eyebrow, "You can cast something other than explosion?"

"Yes!" The midge's facet, once proud about her 'achievement', grew a sharp tinge of red as she broke eye contact, "I… was able to use the spell you taught me. T-thank you for that."

Eh?! How the hell was she able to cast it. You'd only be able to learn the spell if you were either a Lich or of the Adventurer class. So how the hell was she able to cast something when she was neither! I only taught her that so I can sleep for Kami's sake! Does she have some cheat with magic now?!

Actually, isn't that actually a really good thing?

"P-perfect~, that means you can act as a rear guard. Uh, Princess, would you by chance have anything like an OP sword slice or spell?"

"Well I am able to cast triangle water magic." The Princess said somewhat humbly, "If I re-

"Princess, you do not need to listen to my Familiar." Louise said timidly, "You are our charge now, it is our job to protect you."

Henrietta scratched her face a little, "Should I not help you two, Louise? I want to be of use when my friend is being attacked by a monster."

Louise's face flushed again, but damn her face was a cherry now, "Th-thank you Princess." She looked from side to side quickly, "You can, b-but if anything big comes I want you to run and sacrifice us!"

The gal looked a little concerned before nodding, "Very well, Louise."

I watched the Midget squirm against the kindness that is the Princess. Man, it just makes me wanna baby Iris when I get back. I don't want to be stuck in this Dungeon any longer, "Well Princess you will stay between us with the horse I guess. Louise will be at the back and I guess I'm... vanguard." Well shit, I'm the closest we have to a tank.

I received a nod from what seems to be my party, and we set off.

Of course the place was as decrepit as your stereotypical dungeon. I mean I could feel my senses sharpened to an insane degree since the undead can be around any corner. If I'm lucky enough, we could- wait, Aqua isn't here.

I let out a small snicker. Without Aqua we won't be jumped by undead. If we arn't getting ambushed that means we are as good as Gold!

"Uh, Kazuma?"

I turned around to see a slightly worried face of the Princess Henrietta. She had another one of those black sticks in her hand and seemed to be searching every corner for something to jump.

I sighed, "Yes yes I'm Kazuma."

She sounded a little skittish, "Oh, uh, where are you from?"

"Hmm. _Hmmmm." _Now where am I from? Do I say Japan, where I was a NEET and loser who died of… "Axel. I'm from Axel."

She seemed to think to herself for a moment, "I don't think I've ever heard of Axel before. Which Country is it in?"

"Its in another world if thats what you are asking." I pointed over a Louise with a grin, "You're friend yanked me from my home and is forcing me into her service."

"K-Kazuma!" I looked back to see Louise's face red, "Do not say it like that!"

"It's what you did, hell thats what you guys are probably always doing to Familiars. You guys probably yanked them from some random forest while they are sleepin."

"Then you must be no better than a squirrel!"

"Oi! Don't be looking down on Squirrels those bastards will throw boulders at you!"

My 'Master' seemed to be taken aback, "How can a Squirrel throw a boulder?"

I sighed, "You've got no idea the shit I went through on a daily basis."

"Just… You are insane Kazuma."

"My previous world was the insane one." I said with nerve.

The Princess tilted her head, "How is your world insane, Kazuma?"

I took in a breath, "Well first of all you need to kill your food before you eat it."

"Is that the reason you were stabbing the berry bush, eh Kazuma?" Louise quirked in with a laugh, the princess was just lookin' confused.

"Yes… it is." I sighed for a moment, "Other things include a Goddess who gets me in debt, Giant Frogs, and Classes."

Both of them gave me confused looks at my comments, but I soon ignored 'em in favor of my [Detect Enemy] going off. I raised my hand to stop them, waiting to see what came. When I started hearing the disgusting, squishy sounds of a very recognizable monster. I drew my sword and grabbed onto the horse, Louise doing the same with the Princess.

My voice was quivering as I spoke, "Hey, uh, Louise. Are Slimes very hard to kill?"

The two natives swallowed.

Okay, shit.

I grabbed onto Louise and brought her close, "Okay, we are going to drain it dry. Got it?"

She looked at me in a little confusion before noddin. I let out a sigh, takin Louise away from the Princess as we snuck closer. Almost instantly the thing changed direction and made its way towards her. With Louise I snuck forward, letting it come near us.

Raising my fingers, I counted down. Seeming to catch my drift, she prepared herself as it came in front of us. In an instant we both lunged at it, "[DRAIN TOUCH]!"

As we touched it the thing shriveled like a raisin. A small sense of pride came through me as we saw it died.

"Yes! Take that you little sugaring slime!" Louise yelled at the top of her lungs. Wait, oh shit-

I quickly went to cover her mouth, "Shut up! You might have just raised a-" The numerous sounds of gushing and slushing could be heard. We turned to see not one, not two, but an entire hallway filled of starving slimes.

"Oh Brimir…" I could hear the Princess say, "The Servants dumped slimes into our escape routes again."

"W-what do we do!" Yelled Louise as she pointed at them, "If we run we will just end up back at the lake!"

I turned to the Princess, "What kind of magic can you cast!?"

"W-water magic, Do you want me to freeze them all?"

I grabbed onto Louise and ran behind the lady, "Hit them with all ya got! We can bring you back up if you run out of mana!"

The Princess gave shaky nod bringing up her wand, "Alright! B-[Blizzard]!"

Suddenly the temperature of the entire hallway dropped, frost was forming across the walls as the Slimes slowly started to become small balls of ice. They were stuck, but I'm gonna take a bet and say they didn't die from that.

The Princess dropped, snow covering the floor of the entire place. All the torches were put out from the massive gust of wind.

I activated my skills, my vision once again adjusting to the dark. It was still too dark, so I had to cast [Tinder]. Damn its fucking cold, its like she casted us into winter!

Looking around it seemed all the slimes they were small balls of ice, but even now I could see one of the fuckers crack the prison of ice.

Turning to the Princess, Louise was already giving the girl some mana to recover from. Slowly she stood back up with the Midget's help.

"Did I get them?" She said rather meekly.

"Nope! Lets get the hell out of here!" With that I grabbed the Princess, threw her on the horse, and ran for it!

We ran past a bunch of the bastard who were frozen in ice, "Hey Princess, do you know how many slimes were stuffed into here!?"

"Uh, w-well." The Princess was tryin' her best to hold the horse, "I remember Mama telling them to stop it when I was seven."

"Pesky commoners do not realize we make rules for a reason!" Yelled Louise as she was basically skippin to keep up.

The sound of ice shattering could be heard in front of us. I didn' even take a momen' to look before I brought out my sword, "Take this!" An' I bisected the fucker in two.

A clang went through the place as I looked at my sword, "Chunchunmaru!"

"FAMILIAR! YOU-"

"I know I know! I just kind of forgot!" An with that I stabbed the last of my sword into another slime.

As we passed the last one I could hear there was a lot more shattering, "Kazuma! RUN FASTER!"

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck ! Fuck!" I could hear them coming very close, "Uh, the Horse! Get on the Horse!"

With a swift movemen' I was on the horse. Reaching down I got Louise's hand and brought her up to our front. As she got into the driver's seat she yelled, "Onward Sugarpuff! Get us out of here before we become sitting biscuits!"

"You named him Sugarpuff!"

I don't know if the horse was getting use to us or if Louise was getting really good at running away, but we doubled our speed. Hell, if we didn't have to keep our heads down from hitting the ceiling this would have been fun.

That damn feeling hit me again and I brought out my bow, "Louise duck!"

She quickly lowered her head, giving me a nice view of some nice ol' smiles. I waited just a moment, right when the bastard began their jump to hit Sugarpuff, "[Snipe], [Snipe], [Snipe], [Snipe]!" And like that they were sent flying into the walls.

"W-we are near the end I think!" Was yelled into my ear by the Princess.

Looking forward again, I could just barely make out a wall. In front of the thing was a bunch of salt, like someone was trying to keep out snails. I grabbed onto the reins, "Louise, now!"

Without even a second to lose girl had her wand in hand and started making some weird hand movements. A small ring appeared in front of the midget as she yelled, "[Explosion]!"

I watched as a beam of power just like megumin's going into the wall. Next moment it imploded, shaking the earth so fucin much there would probably be a cave in. We were faster then it though, the princess sound of the screaming as we ran through the cloud of smoke as we ran into the fancy halls right. A moment later the entire wall caved in on top of the entrance, sealing the fuckin slimes.

"Give me that!" Yelled the Midget as she took the reigns from me and pulled up. Soon enough, we were brought to a stop, "Well, we made it Ann. Welcome home."

As we took a breather I looked over to the side and saw a pair of guards. Both of them had their jaws wide opened, before snapping out of it and running over.

On reflex of all the times I ran away from the authorities, both as the Chivalrous Thief and Kazuma the Rich Billionheir, I tried to make a break for it. As I slipped off the horse though, I accidently smacked the Midget with my arm and the two of us were thrown to the ground.

"On the authority of the Queen you are under arrest!"

The two of us looked at one another, then at the Princess who had fainted, "Shit."


	5. Ch 5: Out and About

**Hello everyone, you know I didnt think I'd be publishing another so soon**. **Was thinking of publishing an interlude featuring Yunyun, but I wrote this before that.**

**Enjoy!**

"You know, do I have a target painted on my back or something? The only things I've done in this world since arriving is running away from bullshit. Now look, I'm in jail on day three. It took me two months before I was locked in jail last time."

"Of course, Kazuma, of course, but do you are but do you have a five?"

"Nope, go fish."

"How in the name of Brimir do you not have a five! Do you not have any sugaring cards!"

"Kukuku, do you have a seven?"

"What the- damn you Familiar! I just got that card!"

"Its mine now~"

"I hate this game! Why could we not play chess!?"

"Because that would have been too expensive."

"But it was my School Cloak you sold!"

"Hey, beggars can't be choosers."

"Coming from the sugaring idiot who landed us in jail."

"Oi, you should have ducked or we wouldn't have been put in the slammer!"

"Oh, coming from the man who radiates criminality. We would have been forced to flee the Capital again." The Midget laid down on the cold stone floor, "Honestly, I could take a break from all that running."

"Meh, I guess you're right there." I went over and gathered the cards up. I would have won anyways because of my good luck, "Why havn't you tried intimidating them with your mother?"

She looked at me like I was stupid, "Do you think I would bring my mother into this!? No, you do not even know who my mother is."

"Let me guess," I laid on the ground and started throwin the bundled cards in the air, "She's a super scary lady who will kill both of us if she finds out."

"No she will kill us. When the guards learn of who I am, they will send for Karin of the Heavy Wind to discipline her child." I heard a small sigh from the midget, "Well, at least I learned magic before I died."

We just laid there waiting for our executions. It was kind of awkward in that you were talking for hours an' ran out of things to talk about. And I hate fuckin awkwardness, "You wanna learn more?"

"Huh!?" She jumped from her stone bed and was now looking down on me, "Y-you can teach me more!?"

"Yes yes, if you stop beaming like a light bulb!"

"Oh, sorry." She said straightening herself skirt, "I would love to learn more magic Kazuma, may you take care of me." the Midget gave a freakin' bow to me.

"Why the hell are you acting holier than thou?" I said while getting up, "Its like I'm going to be teaching some little kid."

"Oh," I could feel a kind of cold anger coming off her, "Will you be teaching me or will I be ending your life before my mother does?"

"Ah there's the Louise I know." With a jump I was on my feet, "I will admit my skill set is geared more towards a rogue, so it might not be to your more Noble mindset."

"I do not care." The girl said growlin, "Even if it is sugaring Elven Magic I will learn."

"Fine fine." I said while putting myself in a thinking stance, "I guess I should start with what I first learned, [Steal]."

"Huh, a perfect skill for someone such as you."

"Shut up and listen student." the memories of when Eris first thought the skill coming back to my mind, "At its bare bones it's a targeted spell that takes an object from a person's body. Its random, but the value of the item increases based on your luck stat."

"Hmm… that does not make sense. Are you telling me we all have these stats?"

"Oh Kami…. Its just some terms from another world." I picked up my hand and grew a small smirk, "Since you learned [Drain Touch] so quickly from just having it used on ya, I'll be doing the same again."

She was looking me up and down, pretty obvious she knew something was off about what I was saying, "Fine, I will bear with it."

My grin could only widen, "The casting method is simple, just point your hand towards and yell, [STEEEEEEAL]!"

The Midget's eyes grew a little confused, then a little wide, then so wide I would swear they took her entire face, "Y-you stole my caking undergarments! Y-y-y-you son of a mothering twix biscuit!"

I let the white fabric tangle off my hand, "Just like how I was taught, you now have a chance to steal them back." I then showed her the deck of cards in my other hand, "And just because I think it would be too easy, think of this as a dummy prize."

She looked at me with a little bit of horror before trying to kill me with a stare, "If you do not hand my undergarments back Familiar, I-I will blow you up!"

"Huh, who would have known they had elastic bands in this world." I gave her a sly smile, "Maybe I should give them to the Princess, she might like them."

She looked at me with a mixture of pure anger and surprise, before it all went away, "Hey, uh Louise, I kind of don't like that look."

"Oh, you do not like my sugaring look." Said the Psycho Loli, "Lets see what I receive from such a scheming Familiar, [Steal]"

As the light went away I checked what was in my hands. The Panties were still in my right, and the cards were in my left. Huh, but my waist feels a little loose…

A painful crack came from the Midget as she tried out her new weapon, "Well well, it seems Brimir has blessed me this day. Now please stand still and receive your punishment familiar."

Uh oh.

I made a dash for the iron bars, "Help me there is a Psychotic Loli trying to kill me!" I yelled up the halls. The one who was suppose to be watching us looked up, flinched, and then walked towards the stairs.

"No you gotta help me! Isn't it your job to make sure we don't die before our trial!" I felt a gorilla grip on the back of my collar, "Komi?"

"No Familiar." I turned to face the glowing pink eyes of Louise, "No God can help you now."

"Then I renounce the Gods, [Drain Touch]!"

A few painful hours later*

"Where in that damn sadistic hell did Vanir find you?" I said while laying on the ground. Everything hurts so much.

"Oh this is just a fraction of what my mother will do to us." said the she-demon who was currently laying on our one bed.

"Using Drain Touch to heal my wounds and keep me just within consciousness so that you can beat my f-ing flesh to a pulp." I turned to the girl, "Kill me now."

I watched the girl think for a moment before shaking her head, "Resummoning you would be too much of a hassle. Also, you did fight back on terms of, 'Gender Equality' I think it was."

"Fuck you."

"You started it, so sugar you."

"... Sure, sugar me."

As we laid the sounds of footsteps came ringing through our tombs before two guards and a tomb boyish looking girl stood at our gate, "Louise Françoise Le Blanc de La Vallière and her Familiar Kazuma, you have been hereby relieved of your crimes. I am here to release you as per my Majesty's request."

Louise looked at the girl with a beaming look, "Did Ann able to stop the guard from contacting my mother!?"

The tomboy gave her a nod, "She was not as per Henerrieta's request, though I will still need to inform her of certain things. I will still need to inform her about certain things at a later date."

"Oh." The Demon seemed to have a little bit of her fire going out, "So will we be meeting with Henrrieta?"

The Tomboy shook her head, "You shall be escorted to the front gate and given a reward for saving the Princess. After that you shall be on your way, doing your own things."

Louise's face kind of paled for a momen', before I noticed her put on a poker face. Problem is a poker face is only good when you always use it, something Aqua never really understood. Well, that and I already had a feeling we were about to go on the move again.

"Indeed I do." She turned to me with a stern look, "Come Kazuma, we must leave the castle now."

"Yes yes."

We made our way down the frankly very extravagant halls and paintings, stuff I probably would only dream of seeing. Hell, this place hits the top of fancy places I've been. After navigating what I could only assume were a bunch of rooms we were finally outside.

Looking back, I noticed the Tomboy giving Louise a small bag, "Madam, please withhold opening this until you get someplace safe. We do not know if there are more thieves or kidnappers running amok in our city."

"Thank you Anges." Louise said with a straight face, "Please keep Henrrieta safe in these trying times."

"I will." She said before turning to me with a glare, "And you keep yourself out of trouble, Sir Kazuma."

Oh she hates me.

And so we made our way back into the city, making our way through a bunch of streets and the hell away from the castle. I mean damn, how does the Midget walk that fast!?

"Kazuma, where do you think we should rest?"

"Hmm, why not that place." I pointed at the place I was eyeing for a moment, 'Charming Fairies'.

The girl looked at it for a moment, then at him with an almost broken poker face, "Is there not a better place, Familiar."

I gave her a shrug, "I mean it's about night and I'm beat. And hey, it's the nicest looking place around."

After a few quick glances at what were honestly shitty looking bars she gave a sigh.

We passed through the door, a bell ringing upon our entrance. Looking around the place had quite a few customers, and some damn fine waitresses. Kind of reminds me of my times back in Axle.

One of the waitresses noticed us, a black haired girl with… shes mother fuckin' japanesse, "Hello there, uh, sir are you alright?"

Louise gave me a glare, something along the lines of 'You are breaking out cover for our Super Secret Mission from the Princess!'

"Uh, are you by chance part japanesse?" I said while scratching my head.

Her eyes widened a good bit, "H-how did you know!?"

"Well," Think Kazuma think. Wait, "You kind of look like a maid I know, uh, I think her name was Siesta."

"You know my Cousin!" The girl was beaming, "How's she doing! Last I heard she got a job at the Academy!"

"Doing well, got a thing for gossip. Uh, would ya have a room for us?"

She looked towards the Midget and grew a small smile, "I think I have a room at the end of the hall that needs filling. I think I can give it to you at a discount."

"That sounds great!" Said Louise who gave the girl some coin, "We do not need any room services so you can leave us be."

The barmaid's smile went sly, "Alright, I'm sure the two of you will enjoy the room. If you may follow me."

And so she took us up a set of stairs and through a hallway, not losing that damn smile. Its almost like…

"This is your room. I will make sure not to have anyone disturb the two of you~" and we were welcomed to a King sized bed with pretty nice stuff around it.

"Oi you-" I turned around only to the barmaid's back going down the staircase.

"You are sleeping on the floor, Familiar." Was the first thing Louise said while walking into our room.

I closed the door behind us and turned to her, "I'm not going to be sleeping on the floor because you say so! Hell, I've shared a haystack with a goddess for freaking weeks and nothing ever happened between us."

The Midget looked me up and down with a slightly red face and venomous tongue, "Fine. If you do anything though, your life is forfeit. It will help us with our cover anyways."

"Oh, for that super secret mission from the Princess?"

"Yes," She said while putting the small bag on a desk and emptying the contents. Out of it came a good chunk of coin, a letter, and lastly a ring. We shared a look before Louise picked up the letter and opened it.

_My dear friend Louise, _

_I am sorry I was not able to see you out of the capital, so I only hope Anges was enough help. She has recently grown paranoid since my Father's death, saying it happening while the Albion Civil War rages is too close to be a coincidence. With that as my reason, I am so sorry I could not be with you once more Louise. _

_Within the bag you will find 100 Tristani and 50 Albionese Pounds, Angese assures me these are enough to get you to and from Albion at the very least. There should also be a little extra to get your Familiar a new sword for the one he lost defending me from the Slimes. _

_What is lastly in your bag is a Ring. When you show it to Wales he will know you are my emissary. Louise, if you are captured, I want you to destroy the Ring with your Magic. It is the most powerful magic I have ever witnessed, it will succeed. _

_May Brimir bless you on your travels to the isle of Albion. I will pray for you every night until your return._

_Ann_

_P.S. I had Anges send your horse to the Northern Barracks. _

"You got us in a really big mess didn't ya?"

"For my Princess, my friend, I will do anything." She handed the paper to me with a stern face, "Burn it and then mix the ashes with alcohol. It will prevent anyone from remaking the letter."

"Yes yes, and is there anything you want to eat?"

A loud groan came from her stomach, "Anything."

-Page Break-

The next morning we came were out on the streets looking for a certain shop.

"Why is it all the good places have such weird names?" Louise qurped.

"Well if somethings good, some god damn eccentric is running it. There's a shop thats ran by an Arch-Devil and Lich I'm a usual at."

"W-what!"

I shrugged, "Its something you get used to. Hey I think that's the place!"

'Kill, Mince, Repeat', said to have some pretty nice quality weapons at a fairly cheap price, since we didn' really know how much going to a fuckin' war zone was going to cost.

As we entered I could see a chubby looking man sitting at the counter, "Welcome to my dear shop! Are you looking for swords? Daggers? Or maybe one of the new Flintlock Pistols?"

My eyes lit up, "How much for a Pistol?!"

He gave a hearty laugh, "It would be about 50 Tristain, they just came out you know."

"Oh…"

The Midget walked forward confidently, "What is it that I could afford with twenty Tristanis?"

'Is eyes furrowed, "Thats a little on the lighter side for a Noble such as you?" He moved to look at me again, "I mean, a manservant like him is going to need a much better blade to stay alive."

"Ha, like you know when someones good!?" Yelled something from a barrel near me.

"You shut your mouth! Your not going to fuckin bitch out another of my customers again!" Yelled the man.

"Ha, listen to that man." I watched as a sword popped out of a barrel, "If they can't handle the heat they shall not wield me!"

…. Oh for fucks sake….

"Oh, you've seen a nice weapon over here kid?" I made my way to the sword, it looked like something out Japan. Not quite a Katana but really fuckin' close, "You wanting to try me out? Come on give me a pull, I dare ya."

"You're a divine artifact arnt ya."

"..."

"H-how did you shut him up!?" The owner barked.

"... and your Japanesse?" Said the sword as it peaked out the barrel.

"Yup."

"Somethings very wrong has happened hasn't it."

"Yup."

The sword turned to the shop keep, "Hey Stevenson, I'm gonna hate knowin' ya."

"Likewise you damn bastard." Said keeper turned to Louise who was getting some coin to pay him, "Just take him and never bring him back."

"Okay?" Was all Louise could say before followin' me out.

I gave the sword a good look over now that I got him, "So how in the world does a Divine Artifact get covered in this much rust? And whats your OP-bullshit?"

"Huh? Going straight into the questions and not gonna introduce yourselves?" Said the chuckling piece of metal, "Why don't I start, names Derfflinger the Spell Eating Sword. For the rust, well my, as you say OP Ability kept the gods from giving me Antirust."

"Sounds like them. Names Kazuma, I'll be your wielder," I pointed towards Louise, "And she's Midget."

"My name is Louise, Familiar!"

"Hey Midget, hows the view?"

"I will get back at you for this, Kazuma."

"Yes yes, I'm sure you will." I looked up to the sun, the shine coming a little ways above the horizon, "Well lets get goin'. If we head out now we should make good ground before night."

The girl just gave a sigh, "That is reasonable enough. Lets head over and pick up Buttercup."

"An adventure already, mate? You are gonna have an early death at this rate."

"Shut up."


	6. Ch 6: Coming to Amstrum

**You know, writers block is the bane of my stories. But after sitting down and reading another Familiar of Zero story I felt like working on this one. As such, I hope you all have a good Thanks Giving and find some great deals tomorrow. As always, I value reviews the most and I'm willing to take suggestions from them as well. **

We were sitting down on the hill side looking over some valleys. With the smell of fresh fruit, the taste of stale rations, and the taste of a light beer we enjoyed a nice meal.

"Ya know, I could get used to this, not having to run for our lives as the law tried to kill us."

"I agree, the air is pleasant and Buttercup is a very comfy steed. Can you pass me another apple?"

"Oi, you know we only got a few of 'em. We'd have to stop in town if you eat everything."

"Just give me the damn apple."

With a sigh I reached into my bag and tossed the girl an apple, "How the hell do you eat so much? It's got nowhere to go."

"Say that again and I will make your ride a living hell." She took a nice size chunk out of the apple, "I am still a growing girl, so a little more food will help me grow."

"She needs it boy." Said a sword who was currently stuck in the ground next to us, "She barely has any meat on 'er, let alone any assets men would want."

"Say anything about my figure again and I will turn you into scrap metal."

"Hey I'm on your side girly! Don't be killin' your only ally!"

"Some ally you are."

I laid back a little as the two were bickering. We traveled for a few hours at a nice pace on Buttercup. It was of course going over a bunch of hills, but nothing bad happening was a good change in my book. Now that I think of it...

"Hey Louise," I hollard to interrupt their bickering, "Where are we going anyways? We've been traveling north right?"

"Amstrum." She reached into the bag and got another apple, "It has the biggest airdock on the mainland, second only to Albion's Londinium. Even if there's a civil war the Albionese still need wheat and iron, so I would think catching one of those supply airships would be easy."

"Airships? Why would you- oh. Somethings funky about the island isn't there."

She sighed, "Yes, as per your otherworldly wisdom, the island of Albion floats over the high seas. The only way to make it there is by Airship, so any hairbrain ideas like taking a rowboat there will not work."

"Oi, I'm not that crazy. Hell I'd like to take things easy before we head to a Komi-Forsaken warzone."

"And I would agree." As she finished her third apple the gal laid down ontop of the grass. Seeing as she wasn't moving anytime soon I decided to lay down.

The calmness of the wind brushed by my face, the feeling of comfort almost holy. Damn its been a week since I've had a good chance to rest. Hell I don't think I never got a real rest while I was back home, since the others always tried to get me moving. I had to fight for my alone time god damnit!

I wonder what they are doing right now. Now that I think about it, who will get Aqua and Mugumin out of jail? Probably Darkness, but if not I'd think Wiz would come to their rescue.

"Hey Kazuma, what is that coming close right at us?"

I turned my head, "Uh, [Farsight?]" My vision turned weird for a momen' then I got a better look, "Uh, kind of looks like a fancy musketeer. He's riding a white horse and has a gray goatee. I'mma guess and say he's a dumbass noble."

"That kind of sounds alot like Wardes." With that her face went red, "W-Wardes! W-why is he here!"

"Oi, who the hell is Wardes?" I turned to see the Midget becoming a gibbering mess. It was kind of like when an anime waifu would get really close to their…

"Hold it my great stead, for I see my fiance Louise De Lablanc La Valliere!"

I turned to see the man who I now hate, his elegantly trimmed goatee glowing like it was fuckin' gold, "Ah Louise, it has surely been so long since I have seen you last."

"W-W-W-Wardes it h-has been years!" Her face was now so red I think it would be called chronic, and I'm pretty sure her tremering isn't that healthy either, "I-its great to see you are unhurt! I saw the Griffins falling and I-"

Like the wind I watched this guy suddenly go up to Louise and grab onto her hand, "A mere fall would not injure me, madam Louise." He ran his fingers through her hair, "And even if I was at death's door, I would come to you." And to finish it all off, her kissed her hand.

I hate his guts, I hate his face, and I hate his fuckin Goatee.

"Oh, and who is this here? Have you gotten a manservant to replace me, my dear?"

"Oi, don't talk like I'm a fuckin' object ya bastard!"

"Oh," he turned from a burnt out Midget with a smile that just pissed me off, "Then I guess I mistook your relationship with my fiance. Should I fear that you are taking her from me."

"Like I would love the fuckin' midget. Hell, I've been doing nothing but running away ever since I met her!"

"Running away?" His eyes were furrowed, like he was worried bout a puppy, "My Love, are you worn out? Shall I carry you to Amstrum?"

"Oh, um, Wardes I-"

"Hold it!" I spoke before the Midget could do something really stupid, "How do you know we are heading towards Amstrum?"

He grew one of those all knowin' charming smiles, "Well you see the Princess became worried about my Fiance, and sent me as backup. I'm lucky I caught up when I did."

I squinted my eyes at the guy while he just grew a dastardly smile. Before I could have a chance to punch the fucker in the face Louise placed her hand on his chest, "I-I'm fine Wardes. It has just been a few long days and seeing you and!" She breathed in, then out, "I need to steer my horse, my Familiar is quite uneducated in Horse Riding, as I have found."

I swear it was just for a splintest of seconds, but the guy gave me a death glare before going back to his happy face, "I must insist Miss Valliere, you look as if you are to be turned into a banshee in your condition."

She quickly put on her hood like a little girl trying to hide their blush, "I-If you are so insistent Wardes, I must be worse then I thought I was."

"Thank you my dear." He turned to me with a cocky smile, "I hope you can keep up my boi, I hope to get my fiance into a bed by nightfall."

"Oi wait ya-" Before I could say anythin' else he somehow levitated onto his horse with Louise. He placed her on his lap before snapping the reins and rushing forward.

"He's gonna get away from ya." laughed my damn sword.

"I know, damn him!" I ran over and grabbed onto Buttercup's reigns. Said horse looked around and gave me a fuckin stink eye.

"Follow them ya damn horse! Dat fuckers sketchier den shit."

The horse looked forward to where they ran off to, somehow puffed its cheeks, then going into a full gallop after them. This is gonna be a fuckin' rough ride.

We ended up going at it for hours, going over hills and valleys that would have been wonder to an younger me. Now though they were fuckin' annoying and sucked to climb. As for my quarry, the bastard who kidnapped the midget, I always saw the him right over the horizen.

"How the fuck is he so fast!?" Was all I could complain as we passed over a hill.

"Well he's usin' magic." Is the reply that came from my back.

"Fuck magic, its so bullshit. Can you eat it or something from here?"

"Sorry partner but I can only eat magic that touches my blade."

"Damn it."

I gave a sigh. If I gotta be honest this horse has been doing most of the work, but since he's always in gallop it's been shitty. At least I have someone to talk to, "Hey Derf, why the hell did ya let me grab you?"

"Whatcha mean partner?"

"Don't you have some kind of preference? I became… friends with a perverted suit of armor."

He hummed to himself for a few minutes as we once again started climbing a hill, "I prefer someone with a good grip, so yeah you're not my type kid."

"Well ya didn't answer me, why in the name of Kami am I 'able' to carry you?"

"Well you see…" He hummed to himself for a moment, "Your what this world calls Gandr, 'Right hand of Brimir'. Your job now's bein' that girl's bodyguard."

"Oh for fucks sake," I slammed my hand into my face, "Your telling me there's an entire prophecy happening! I've already got enough problems dealing with the Goddess of Debt and a Demon King to worry about."

"Oh boo hoo." Said a laughing tin metal, "Kid, the moment ya agreed to be a pawn of the Gods you're never gonna catch a break. From da sounds of things you know a real troublesome one too."

"Hell yeah I do. Hell, I'm wondering what the hell she's up to since I've been gone. She's either too drunk to have noticed, stuck in jail, or bullying a Lich trying to get me back."

"Damn, sounds troublesome."

"Hell yeah it is."

As we finally went over the last hill I could see the city. I didn't expect it to be on a massive hill that looked carved off into the sea. Even from here I could see small brown dots coming to and from the cliff.

"So I'm guessing that's Amstrum?"

"You'd be right partner. It got a lot bigger from last time I was 'ere."

I gave snap of the reigns, which caused Buttercup to look at me like I was stupid.

"Just go you damn Horse, I want to at least catch up to the bastard an' Midget."

It puffed at me before galloping for the idiots.

I gotta say, from the last few times I rode this one was odd. Damn horse felt like it was going faster than with Louise, but now I was having a damn fun time riding. It didn't even take a minute before I could catch a glimpse of da Midget, and soon the damn bastard.

He looked back at me with a cheeky smile before snapping his reigns. Soon his horse was running at full speed with a twinkle in his smile.

I crept towards the ear of my horse, "Come on Buttercup, you gonna let that bastard outrun us?"

I felt a small jolt under me, then I was grabbing the horse for dear life, "OH FUCK!"

We went flying. I mean damn we were going so fast I swear we had something on our tail. I mean, are we going faster than we ever did before or was Louise just that good driving this guy!?

Soon though we were next to the bastard, his grin was replaced with a scow that would be right at home on anyone who met an Axis Cultist, "You are, persistant my friend. It is... good to know my Louise has made such a good friend."

His scow soon turned into a smile as he took out a wand, "Alass, you are a simple plebeian though. I will see you in Amstrum. [Wind Speed]." And with that I watched him dash right by us with an elegant smirk on his face.

"I hate magic."

"That's what I'm here for kid."

With that speed the guy of course had beaten us when I got to the damn Gate. With a smirk on his face he was waved into the City. I was about to come behind him when some guards got infront of me.

"Holt there, state your name and purpose for coming to our city."

I gave the guard a deadpan, "I'm Satio Kazuma, I'm with prince charming and the girl over there."

And without even skipping a beat the bastard turned around, "He is not with us. Why I had to use magic just to get away from the man since he kept on pestering me. If you four could please keep him out of the city."

"Oi, you bastard!"

Before I could do anything the guard got between the two of us, "Satio Kazuma, you are to leave the premise at this time."

"Louise! Louise!" She twitched for a second, but soon enough I watched the two of 'em head right through the gate, "Oh Kami damn it."

"I repeat again, Satio Kazuma, you are to leave the premise."

"I get it I get it!" I got Buttercup to swing around, "I'm going now. See I'm leaving the damn gate."

I made my way past the line of people, and the hill and back up another. It was just enough that I broke eyesight of those damn Guards.

"So looks like that one fellow doesn't like ya at all." Piped up the sword, "Well what ya thinkin?"

"That I'm gonna stab that bastard next time I see him." I gave a sigh, "Well, lets get moving. If we get to another gate fast enough they won't even know I snuck in."

* * *

"W-Wardes… you should have let my familiar through the gate." Was about all I could say to Wardes as we traveled down the streets.

"You willing to put up with a man like that, Madam Louise?" The sounds of commerce filled in the background as the two of us, "You deserve a much better man than him."

"It is not like I wanted him. It is just that I got stuck with him as my familiar!"

"Is that so?" He turned to the side, presenting his hand towards a small stall, "Well why don't I get you a gift? It has been so long since I have been alone with you."

I could feel my cheeks glow a peet red, "A-a gift from Wardes! I, uh, I would prefer if we went into an Inn or something first. You know, just in case they fill up."

"Oh~ I understand." The smile upon my fiance's face was one that could charm any girl in an instant, but instead it just felt off...

We traveled our ways down the streets and through the markets of the local city. All the people chattering about themselves. For the travel Count Wardes did not turn to look at me, the pinnacle of knighthood's respect for their women. Though as we traveled like this, I wished the man would have at least spoken a word to me as we made our way in front of the Inn.

"Ah, I believe this establishment would do very well." I looked up to see the words 'Jakob's Diamond' written on the sign. We dismounted our horse, the steed giving a short grunt before a stable hand quickly came out and grabbed onto its reigns for Wardes.

"This way my lady." He soon grabbed onto my hand, a soft smile adorning his face. H-he was so charming! Why couldn't Kazuma do the same!

Soon we entered the Inn, and I instantly realised what this place was. The wood all about the place was obviously finished by a Noble Mage skilled in water magics, while the room was filled with people of high society. A place where Nobility could rest before they needed to boarded their ships in the morning.

We walked up to the madam at the counter who was dressed in robes of blue, "Hello there my Lord, do require a room for tonight?"

"Yes I do," Wardes quickly said with that same smile, "Can I get a private room with a single bed for just tonight?"

The madam raised her eye to quickly study the two of us, though they stayed on me for just a few more moments, "I believe that could be done, give me a moment."

As he spoke those words I was feeling my heart skip several beats, "W-Wardes! What are you thinking!"

"Huh?" He looked towards me with a small bit of confusion before switching back to a smile, "Do you not wish to share the same bed as I, madam Louise?"

This man, whenever I am around him my face could never have a moment to cool down, "Y-yes! Such thing is indecent as we are still fiancees. I would only expect an immoral commoner to consider such a thing acceptable!"

"Well… alright." He turned to the desk just as the madam was returning, "Can you make that a room with two beds?"

"Alright, I have prepared for both." She reached out and placed a golden keye on the counter, to which Wardes quickly picked up.

"Thank you very much Madam, I hope you have a grand evening."

"I will try."

With those exchange of words we made our way down the halls until reaching a door that matched our key. Opening the door I quickly noticed however there were windows on both sides of the wall, one to an ally and another towards the market below. It only took me a moment to realize what the madam had done, and I somehow felt I should thank her.

"Ah, a warm bed fit for a noble." Wardes cried as he placed his wares onto the table across from our beds, "So my Madam, I believe a day of traveling has made you tired correct?"

"You are c-correct Wards, I am feeling a slight bit tired." I slowly made my way over to the bed, "But should we not plan for our next move? And what you did to my Familiar, that is inexcusable."

"So the rumors are true, you summoned a human to be your Familiar of all things." Slowly the man leaned forward, "But he seemed like an arrogant peasant, not even a bandit from how he chased us. Would it not be better if we went by ourselves?"

As I heard his words, well they held merit. Kazuma was quite the case that could easily spark trouble for our mission. He was an arrogant and troublesome man who would never listen to my orders if they were given down from the Great Brimir himself! He would quickly claim Brimir had a stick up his sugaring muffin for trusting me with such a revelation and demanded to speak to the Founder himself!

All that aside though, "Wardesm as your Fiance and confidant to the Princess, I demand we search for Saito Kazuma."

The look I received from Wardes was for only a moment complete annoyance, just like if my Sister Elenor lost her way in a fight between us Sisters. But after a moment he gave a smile, "If you are so adamant about finding your Familiar, my Fiance, I would gladly search the entire country side."

"That will not be necessary. I very much believe he has infiltrated the city out of sheer stubbornness." I simply shook my head, "That man, the reason I am so persistent in keeping him around is because of his resourcefulness. Wardes, I will say this to you, we as Nobles cannot underestimate the chaotic spawn that is my Familiar."

I of course would never tell Wardes my Familiar was responsible for downing his entire squad of Knights.

While the man before me was smile, for the first time I felt the effect was off, "If this man is truly as dangerous as you say, we must make sure he is by our side at all times. Very well, we will search for him."


	7. Ch 7: Amstrum

Slowly but surely the flame lights which noble mages created lit the main streets, signaling the residents to turn in for the night. With this, the markets were calming down and emptying of people making traveling by horse much easier. Those still out were just the merchants who were preparing to leave.

"So you did not see a man who was, uh can you describe the man again dear?"

It must have been the tenth time I have explained this, but the man's image was something that would forever be ingrained in my mind as, "A brown haired green eyed idiot. He was wearing a green cloak while carrying a rusty sword on his back."

The guards looked at one another, soon breaking out in a small chatter I could not hear. There however did not seem to be any deceit or maliciousness in their voices, "No Count Wardes, we did not see this man at all. Though I'm sure the entire garrison knows by now. I'll be honest that we've heard about your task since an hour ago."

I could hear a small sigh from Wardes, "If you do see the man, please let us know. We are staying in 'Jakob's Diamond'."

The man quickly gave Wardes a salute, "I understand Count Wardes! For the Queen!"

"Yes, for the Country of Tristain as well." Wardes said with a shape smile.

With that over the horse soon turned to make its way into the city, "Is that enough to satisfy you, my Love?"

I could only click my tongue, "I swear Wardes, the sugaring idiot is so close I can taste it!"

"But we have searched the entire city." I heard the man reason, "You have had this feeling since five this afternoon, and it is already eight this spring night."

"I swear! The sugaring rogue just does not wish to come out!"

"If I may dare ask," He said with what must have been curiosity in his voice, "How do you know he is near?"

I clicked my tongue at this, "He is my Familiar, of course we are bound together. It is just all those abilities and magics he knows allows him to elude us!"

"Hmm, very well my love."

With those words, I felt the conversation stop. It was instinct like when I annoyed my sister Éléonore with questions of her time in the academy. She would always get irritated by one point and would soon start to pull out my cheeks!

I watched over the crowds of people, as they sometimes brought me better entertainment. I watched merchants started moving their carts while the callers on corners got down from their perches. My eyes turned towards a small laughter, the sight of two modest looking peasants leading a child by the hand, a happy family being crafted under the will of Brimir. I… felt a small bit of my chest burn at the sight of such joy.

That however placed an odd question in my mind, "Wardes, why are the people so calm?"

"Huh," He turned towards me with a look of surprise, "What did you say my love?"

"Oh," I felt my cheeks glow a slight red, "Uh, I was wondering why everyone seems so calm. Since there is a War just across the waters, would they not be more wary?"

I received a shrug from the Count, "The peasants must simply have gotten used to it."

"Oh, alright."

We once more assumed the silence between us. While it was not very noticeable at first, it was surely wearing down on my nerves. I mean, he was my Fiance, are we not supposed to talk about silly things!

I soon looked about where we were going, recognizing the way we were traveling. There were more fires lit the way, but the amount of merchants were somehow less, "Are we heading back to the inn?"

"Yes, we have been searching for the better part of an evening." The older gentleman said as we made our way towards the front, "None of the guards, either gate or of the streets, has seen the man. You have simply overestimated the man, my love."

With those words he dismounted, bringing his hand towards me, "Now come on down, we need to rest for the night."

I looked at the hand for a moment, a slight feeling entering my gut. However in the end I accepted it, "Alright."

With a small hop I was off the horse and onto the ground, a small bit of wind softening my landing. I could not help myself but smile as Wardes tried his best to accommodate me. Count Wardes gestured to a man who was next to the door, quickly ordering him to take the horse to the stables for safe keeping as we went inside. The sounds of soft murmuring and the welcoming of the receptionist came into my ears.

"Are you by chance hungry, Madam Valliere? I heard this place had some delicious Cod that one must try." Wardes said with a smile.

"I am, Wardes. A day's worth of searching can make anyone squeamish."

"Very well, I shall guide you~"

Led by the hand, I was brought towards a small room with tables all about it. They were all mostly filled with Nobles of various degrees. Some were handsome fellows with their wives, while others were traveling in pairs of twos or threes for what I can assume were business related. I soon took a seat on a smaller table, one with enough room for an intimate couple.

I looked towards Wardes, his gray hair shining in the candle light. I felt a tightening in my stomach that was making stronger knots when he looked into my eyes. Grey steel to my strawberry blond. But why did something feel-

"Uh, excuse me." I felt my attention was quickly drawn towards a waitress, "Is there anything you two wish to order?"

"Ah yes!" The moment she saw Wardes the waitress grew a small flush on her face, "I heard you had some exquisite Cod. I would like to order some."

"Ah, W-we can do so! Our chef came straight from Albion!" the waitress cheered, "And yourself, young madam?"

"The same, please."

"Alright, it should be out within a few minutes." she gave us a courteous bow before leaving towards the kitchen.

"Oh, and miss," Wardes called out to the girl, "A bottle of wine if you can."

"Uh, Wardes." I leaned in towards the man, "Are you sure we should be drinking?"

"Are you not old enough my Love?" He asked with a small smile to his face, "You must be reaching fifteen now right?"

"I am sixteen, Wardes." I was growing to a small simmer, but then I quickly shook my head, "B-but that is not what I mean! Alcohol does not go well with what we are doing."

"Relax, my love~" He gave me another smile, one even more charming than the last, "Is it not okay to rest today? Tomorrow we will be heading to lands that rebelled."

I felt my anger at him slowly deflate at his sheer confidence, "I mean, alright. Though let's not drink too much shall we?"

"That will do I guess." Wardes did a small wave with his hands, "But still, it is okay to enjoy one's self and other company at times like this."

As I heard those words I felt myself instinctually looking towards the kitchen. Something felt _off _over there…

"Oh, by chance has another dish caught your eye?" Wardes as with a slight whimsical in his voice.

"What- no." I shook my head a little bit, "I swear to Brimir!"

"What, do you think it is your Familiar?" He said with a wry smile.

I looked at him, clicking my tongue at his jest, "You can say so, but it was also something else."

"Interesting." He said with a smile before smiling a greater one, "Maybe forget about the man for a little and eat our meal."

Just as he said the waitress who we have been giving order to had two separate dishes in her hand. I guess it was fish, but on a closer look I noticed that it was breaded. By all means it was an Albionese tradition. Of course she also carried the bottle of wine in her hand.

As quickly as the madam gave us our food Wardes had picked up the wine, pouring himself a glass, "Well come on my love, let us start eating."

I watched as the man took a slice of fish and quickly took a bite. Within just a moment as Wardes jerked from his chair and fell to the floor with a great slam. I felt my heart beat for a second before I quickly made my way to his side, and quickly saw the man clenching his throat while making a fish expression with his lips. I would have laughed if he was not somehow choking.

"Oh sugar!" Without much thought I quickly reached for the bottle of wine the waitress left on our table, stuffing the bottle to the Count's face. The liquid quickly drained from it, and soon enough he waved the bottle away from his face.

"What in the name of fucking Brimir was the Chef trying to kill me!" He cried out while getting onto his feet, "I should have the man hung!"

I took a few steps away from Wardes while I looked towards the fish. Curiosity getting the better of me, I chipped off a piece of the breading.

I gave it a small taste before my eyes widened, "It... has dirt in it?"

"Argh!" He cried out while reaching over and taking the bottle from my hands, "Who in the Brimir forsaken world put dirt in my Fish!"

He turned to face me for a moment so I waved my arms, "Like I would know, maybe some Germanian!"

As he turned away from me, I felt something over my shoulder. By now the waitress was already coming over and apologising previously Wardes, but my attention was instead towards the window. The sight of a green cloak fluttering away from the window was all I needed to know what had happened.

It was almost like I could hear his snickering with him not even being in the room. I turned to see Wardes turning an angry red. By now he had already brought out the chef and was yelling at the man. I quickly noticed his hand on a sword and I decided to speak up, "Wardes, are you going to duel the man for that? You should realize it was not his fault."

"I don't need to listen to you…" He turned towards me, and I quickly noticed the sharpness in his eyes had dulled immensely. I quickly glanced to see the entire bottle of wine that was taken from my hands was emptied.

"Uh Wardes, could you please sit down for a moment. It seems you had too much to drink."

"Oh, is that what you claim?" He leaned in towards me with a sneering smile, "And what's a cutting board like yourself going to do about it?"

"CUTTING BOARD!" I was now standing directly at the man, "I saved your life, I am your Fiance, and you sugaring call me a flat chested zero!"

"Yup, what else would I describe you?" He bent back in a haughty laughter, "But you are with I, Count Wardes of the Tristanian Griffin Legion! Such issues simply melt away when I am about."

"..." I stared up at the man for only a moment, "Wardes, what did you just say?"

"That for all of your faults you are with me, Count Wardes." He said with a drunken smile.

The next moment happened in a blur as my hand worked automatically, as within the next moment he was on the ground grabbing onto his cheek. I did not hold back, quickly stomping on his head with righteous fury!

"I am above you, you damn bastard! I am the daughter of Duke Centurion and Karin of the Heavy Wind! You mock ME and MY BODY I will DESTROY you and everything you sugaring stand for!"

Without a second thought, I smashed the bottle of wine and stormed out, quickly throwing a pair of Tristanian Golden coins at the waitress. Before I left the room however I turned one more time towards the man, "You can go to the damn big titted Germanian whores for all I care now you damn drunkard!"

As I entered the main lobby I noticed the snickering of the receptionist, "Do you have anything you wish to say?"

She shook her head with a small smile, "Oh sorry, I do not, except I was wondering if you wanted another room?"

I stared at the girl down for a moment, "No, I will be leaving. The simple fact is your security in this entire place is abysmal at best as you could not keep out a simple idiot from ruining everything!"

Soon enough I made my way outside the doors and into the open streets, "I know you are there Kazuma! You biscuit eating bastard of a man!"

"Yes yes, it seems I was caught." Emerging from the brush across from me was the figure of my Familiar, sword on his back.

I stared at the man down for only a moment, a bit of flush coming to my face. I had to grit my teeth a little bit as I turned towards the man once more, "Th-th-th-thank y-y-y-y-."

"Oi, you trying to say something~?" He brought his ear closer to me with a happy smirk on his face.

"... Thank you you sugaring Brimir damned familiar."

"You are very welcome." He said with his head held high, "But what the hell did I do?"

"Your little prank you did." I brushed by the man with a purpose now in my step, "My fiancee is the epitome of men, and he is simply too ambitious for his own good! Why, I bet you he has betrayed us to the Reconquista!"

"Oh, so you think that too?" I heard my Familiar said while matching pace with me.

I almost fell over as those words came into my ear, "W-what do you mean!?"

"Oh, you were just talking out of your ass." I looked to see my Familiar staring at me with an annoyed stare, "But yeah he's was fuckin' suspicious as hell."

"He might be a bit ambitious, but Count Wardes never did anything that hinted to him being a traitor!"

"Hmmhm," My familiar was nodding his head before growing a small smile, "Coming from the girl who just dumped him. Oh, and beat the man into submission."

"I am no ger…" I quickly grabbed onto my head with a small bit of sweat falling off my brow, "My Mother is so going to kill me."

"Not if we get killed in the battlefields!" My Familiar half cheered and lamented.

"Well, what did you mean by that? With Wardes being a traitor." I asked my familiar with a good bit of seriousness in my voice, "If I judge your judgment as correct, we will need to leave tonight."

"Well now I don't wanna say that, I kind of wanna sleep in a bed." I quickly gave the boy a stare to which he shook his head, "He was way too fuckin' nice to you, he was trying to get something from ya. Add in how he fucking fucked me over twice in a row for no apparent reason and he was obviously trying to kidnap yea and you. Not to mention how the Princess's letter never mentioned we had support."

"I… never thought about it like that." I gave out a massive sigh, "Why am I always stuck with stupid men."

"Oi, I can hear ya!" My Familiar cried before shaking his head, "Anyways, while I'll be acceptin' your thanks from earlier there is something else I want."

"And what would that be, a plot of land?"

He blinked a couple of times before shaking his head, "No, I want an apology for not sticking it to the bastard earlier. You know how hard was it to sneak in our damn horse!"

"Oh that." I gave a slight nod, "Fine, I am sorry I did not realize my fiance was a traitor to the crown. Are you happy?"

He blinked a couple times at me, "Are you really Louise?"

"Yes," I felt my cheeks grew red from the embarrassment of my next words, "But you took care of someone who would have harmed us, without orders even. So as I said before, thank you and sorry I was too seduced by my Fiance that I was unable to see his possible treachery."

"Oh…" He looked at me with a small bit of shame, "I uh, sorry I spiked your fish as well."

"You what! You were going to have me eat dirt!"

"Well look at the time let's get going!" My familiar quickly spouted out nonsense before running down the streets.

"Familiar, do you even know what we need to do!?"

As I yelled that he turned around with a slightly perplexed expression, "Uh, we find an inn for tonight?"

I shook my head at the fool, "Well thanks to you hiding for the entire day we ordered the entire guard to look for you. Their orders were specifically to find _**you**_."

"Oh thanks for making me feel special." He said with a sly smile, "Can't you just, you know, tell them to stop? I mean you are higher rank than the guy."

"You think I can personally tell the entire garrison to forget about you w-when I was the one who asked them too!"

"Heh." His smile stuck on that damn face of his, "You know, I know a Crusader who would love to be in your position right now."

"If she would love it I will beg her to take my position later!" I said before taking steps towards the idiot, "For now though, we need to get onto the next boat to Albion. I do not care who it is or where on the island we end up, we are going!"

I sped past Kazuma as he held his hand on his chin before giving a shrug, "Best plan I've heard in awhile. I'll call it a bonus if we can lose Sir Lovedobby Dumbass and I don't die."

I grew a small smile, "And I will call it a win if I you will die so I can have some Brimir forsaken calmness in my life again."

"You are cold," He claimed before falling into step with me, "But you're probably the most correct. Say, You're family have any good vacation homes?"

I had to give a small laugh, "You think Duke Centurion and Karin of the Heavy Wind would have a Summer home!"

"I'll take that as a no."

"And you are one step closer to matching a peasant in intelligence Kazuma." I gave a slight shrug, "Any place that would have been called a retreat for us was turned into a fortress by my mother."

"Huh, your mother must be one hell of a workaholic." His smile soon turned into a frown, "Doesn't that mean you're going to be inheriting those places?"

I gave a slight sigh and shook my head, "No, my sister Eleanor will be taking them since most of our titles are seniority. You can say my engagement to Wardes was my family's way to keep me above the line of landed aristocrats since they thought that I could not wield magic."

There was a slight tinge of defeat in his voice, "Oi, so you're telling me we are gonna need to work extra hard to stay afloat now?"

I gave a slight shrug, "Depends on what Eleanor does with us, I will be the first to admit we will be at her mercy."

Soon enough my mind's eye opened up to when Eleanor was stretching my cheeks wider than they could ever be. Her evil grin was wide as she laughed, as Kazuma in the background mopped the floors in one of the many forts.

With that I felt a chill go up my spine, "Maybe I should try and join someone else's court."

"Why not Henrietta's?"

"What are you saying Familiar?"

He grew a small cynical grin, "Well you _are _her best friend in the whole wide world who forgave us for KIDNAPPING her. She can probably give us some cushy seats in her castle until she needs us to do sneaky stuff like this."

I crossed my arms, "I will not be asking my friend to do such a thing for me!"

"But what if she asks?"

I blinked for a moment, "I… maybe."

"And with that my future is secure!"

I gave a small sigh at my Familiar did a stupid cheer. Looking forward, I did not realize how many blocks we had covered as the port was before us. There were a great many platforms of both wood and stone jetting into the air and past the ground. The light of a ginormous flame spell lit the sky as a beacon to all the ships in the clear night sky.

"Well, we are here Kazuma." I said with my small heart skipping a beat, "I guess we should get a ship."

"Yeah…" He shook his head before trudging forward, "Let's get this over with!"

"Y-yes."

We quickly made our way onto the docks, the guards quickly looking over us before I gave them a glare. Their eyes quickly widened but I was upon them first, "Do not bother us, or by the right of Valliere Family and the Crown itself I will ruin your lives."

Within an instant they straightened upright, no longer bothering us as we went by. I took in a quick breath, my mind running wild for about five seconds as I processed what just happened.

"Vicious." I heard from an idiot to my side.

"I-it has to be!" I quickly recovered, "We have any authority we could ask for, and proof of it is in my blood. As you agree with me before, we should us it!"

"I guess you do, Princess Bubblegum~"

"I do not even know what you are talking about, but I will assume that was an insult."

"Eh, think of it how you will."

Soon out of the corner of my eye I noticed a good bit of movement, men moving about between a ship and warehouse. Without much to go onto we made our way over, though I noticed a bunch of them suddenly looked our way as if they were spooked.

I was about to speak up but my Familiar got infront of me, quickly trowing my hood over my head. To say I was pissed off by this action was putting it minorly, but before I could say anything he spoke, "Hey there! What are you all up to?"

"Uh, nothing in particular." I quickly uncovered my eyes to see Kazuma had already covered the distance and was now chatting with the men.

"You say nothing, but why the hell would you be leaving in the middle of the night." He said with a sly tongue.

I felt the eyes of everyone sharpen on us, but for some stupid reason my Familiar continued, "Hey hey, I'm not here to rat any of you out. I actually wanna higher a ride up to Albion. I mean, that is where the hell you are going right?"

The men looked between each other for a moment before a man stepped forward. Even in the pale moonlight I could see the age of the man, his loss of a leg very evident.

The man for some reason had a wide smile on his face, "So you wanna hire us for transport?"

"Yup." My familiar produced a small handful of Golden Tristains towards the man, "Don't question why the hell we are going there, and all this coin is yours."

My eyes widened a little, and I quickly grabbed the money bag. The damn thing was already half as heavy as when the Princess gave it to us!

The man hopped onto the dock coming right to Kazuma's face. He reached over, and Kazuma gave him a single coin. Just like one of those weirder merchants, the man bite into the coin as if he was trying to taste it.

"Damn boy, you're really trying your luck with us." He said with a slight laugh, "I mean, you don't even know what we are loading."

"Yeah well, you can say I got pretty good luck." He quickly shook the man's hand before giving him the rest of the money.

"Alright, you two don't look too suspicious, so just hang out in the bowl of my precious ship. As long as you don't open any of the crates I'll be happy to have ya aboard."

"Aye aye captain!" My Familiar jested before waving me to come along. Though I was hoping to burn his guts, I opted with just following him into the ship proper. With this, I guess we will be off onto the greater seas.


End file.
